iWish I had known
by Werewolff
Summary: Sam wishes Freddie was dead after a minor accident in the studio. Mitch grants it, but shows Sam the aftermath; will she change the future?
1. The Wish

**iWish I had known**

This is a little something I am throwing together while I work out my writers block on 'iAm Back in the Game.' I got the idea from the country song "Letter to Me" and the many 'iWish' stories already on the site. If anyone thinks I'm stepping on their toes, say so. If you like it, say so; if you don't, say so. As always, I don't own any of the iCarly characters, and I am taking liberties with their back stories.

* * *

"Sam, could you move?" Freddie asked, gathering some hand tools from his cart. She had been having a horrible day. Her mother had yelled at her about there being no vodka left in the house. Sam had reminded her that she was only 16; that earned her a beating. At school, Briggs had given her a detention for not completing her work and she had been caught putting food coloring in the pool.

Shooting him an annoyed look, "Why nub? Am I blocking your view of Carly's ass?" Carly shot Sam a 'Shut up' look.

"No, I need to swing the monitor out to do some maintenance and upgrades. If I swing it out with you standing there, I'll hit you in the back of the head."

"Hit me and you die."

"Would you two stop fighting for five minutes?" Carly screamed at both of them. "Sam please move so he can do his tech thing."

"I don't wanna." She whined. "Moving involves me doing something."

"There's some ham in the fridge." Carly held the studio door open.

"Mama's gone, later Freddichino."

"That's a new one. Thanks Carly, when I get done this monitor will swing out 12 percent…" She cut him off with her hand.

"Don't care, just don't hurt yourself."

"Okay, are you and Sam going to Groovy Smoothie later?" Freddie started pulling the armature motor out.

She noticed how he had been asking about Sam's doings more and more lately. Carly decided to test her theory. "Maybe, but I'll be alone tonight." She batted her eyes at him.

"Oh, Spencer and Socko going to the junkyard again?"

"I say that I'll be alone later and you ask where Spencer is gonna be, are you gay?"

"NO!" He snapped, "I'm sorry Carly. No, I am not gay. I just don't feel for you like I used to. You're still like my best friend and I don't want to lose you. After our kiss and all that drama with the taco truck, I realized I'm not in love with you."

"Oh, have you and Shannon gone out yet?"

"Not since that disastrous triple date."

"Who is the lucky girl?"

"I'd rather not tell you yet; I haven't said anything to her yet." He set the motor on the floor. Sam walked in carrying a plate filled with sliced ham. "Carly, can you hand me my pliers?"

"These?" She held up a tool.

"No, those are wire cutters; the pliers have the green handle." She picked up the correct tool and stepped towards Freddie, tripping over the power cords running to the monitor. She landed on her chest, knocking the wind out of her. Seeing Carly gasping for breath, Sam dropped the plate and grabbed the inhaler from Carly's room. Freddie was trying to keep Carly calm as she struggled for air. Sam handed her the plastic device; Carly triggered a dose of the medicine.

"Are you alright?" Freddie finally asked, after Carly was able to take some deep breaths.

Sam snapped, "Of course she's not alright you stupid nub! I outta beat your ass for not taping those cords down." She shoveled Freddie away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

"She…could…have…died!" Sam emphasized each word. "You know what, I wish you were dead!"

"Sam!" Carly broke in, "That's enough! It was an accident, Freddie didn't do anything."

Freddie cast his eyes down at the cords, "No, Sam's right. I'm always going on about taping the cords down. I'll go now." He trudged out of the studio. "Good-bye."

"Sam, that was mean. You hurt his feelings." She sat on one of the bean bags, Sam hovered nearby. Carly thought it was strange that he said good-bye; Freddie usually said 'later' or 'See ya'.

"He made you have an asthma attack. He coulda killed you." Sam looked at the plate of ham. "Butt wart even ruined my ham. I'm gonna go get more ham, you want anything?"

"For you to tell Freddie you're sorry." Sam gave her that 'Over my dead body' look. "A Peppie Cola."

"That I'll do." Sam hopped down the steps, two at a time. She expected to see Freddie sitting on the couch; Spencer called it his 'sitting couch'. "Where's Fred-dork?"

Spencer paused 'Girlie Cow: The unrated version', "He left about 5 minutes ago, he looked really upset. You glue his laptop shut again?"

"No, but I'll have to remember that for later."

"Why? What he do?"

"He forgot to tape the power cords down and Carly tripped and had an asthma attack."

"Is she okay? Do I need to take her to the ER? Why didn't anyone tell me?" Spencer started to panic.

Sam didn't really apply herself at school, but she was far from dumb. One secret she kept was a near photographic memory. "Yes, no, you would completely spaz out like you are right now."

Spencer stopped for a second; he had to remember his questions. "Okay. Next time, tell me sooner alright."

"Sure thing Spencer." Sam turned towards the fridge. After piling her plate with more ham, she set it on the new counter some dude had built to replace the one Spencer had ruined. She heard a cough behind her, like someone wanting her attention. _Carly's upstairs, Spencer's over there and Freddie's across the hall in his nerd cave. Who's behind me?_ She wondered.

"Name's Mitch, you can call me 'Big Mitch' if you want." The Little person said. "Before you start yelling, only you can see me and time is stopped. I'm your guardian angel. I only have one question for you: Did you mean it?"

"Mean what, mini-nub."

"Your wish, that Freddie was dead."

"Yeah, he almost killed Carly."

Mitch looked her square in the eyes and snapped his fingers. "Granted. But I wanna take you on a little trip."

"Where we going?"

"Not where, when. To understand the present, you have to know your history. Then, you can appreciate the future. Take my hand."

Taking it, Sam suddenly got a very bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

I admit, it's a short chapter, but it's only the begining.


	2. Understanding the Past

**Understanding the past**

(Sam's POV)

The Shay's living room dissolved into a blur as me and Mitch stood there. He was being all mystic and silent; Mama don't like surprises.

"Where are we going?" I repeat.

"We're going back in time about 16 years. None of you were born yet, In fact, Carly hasn't even been conceived yet." He was right; Carly was younger than me and Freddie. The scene reformed, we were standing in someone's living room. I could hear voices arguing in the other room, but they were getting closer. This reminded me of my childhood.

"What do you mean 'You're pregnant'?" The man yelled. There was something familiar about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"His name is Nathan Kress, Right now, he's a political science major, in your time, he's a state senator." Mitch broke my train of thoughts; he pointed to the doorway. "She might shed some light on this."

A young Mrs. Benson walked in; she looked like she was about 22 or so. "I mean that I am carrying your child!"

"Then you better get it taken care of."

"I don't believe in abortions, besides, I already told our parents." She shot back; this was not the Mrs. Benson I know.

"YOU WHAT?" Nathan roared. "Why would you just go and tell my parents that?"

"I'm just so happy that I thought…" He cut her off.

"NO, you didn't think. Do you understand that my parents are now expecting me to take care of this mess?"

"It's not a mess, it's a baby."

"Alright, I'll set you and the kid up in a nice apartment anywhere you want. But in exchange, I'm free; no other support, no visits, no nothing, deal?"

"What are you saying Nathan?"

"I've got an image and reputation here in Seattle as a Kress; we're like the Kennedys of the West Coast. I can't be seen with a kid now. Like I said, I'll buy you an apartment in the city and set you up with a nursery, but that's it. Take it or leave it."

"I could fight you in court…" Again, he cut her off with a laugh.

"My family has the best lawyers in the city on its payroll, how far do you think you can really go?"

Marissa looked at her belly, "Alright, let's go look at apartments, in the nicer neighborhoods"

"What a dick. Is that guy really Freddie's dad?"

"DNA plays only a part of who we are; the rest is our upbringing and who we associate with." Mitch holds out his hand again. "It's time you saw some more."

The room dissolved and reformed; we were outside the elementary school we all went to. "What's going on?" I ask, looking around. I see some kids hanging around the picnic tables. It must be spring 2003, I see eight year old me taking Carly's tuna fish sandwich. I watch as Freddie gets ready to sit on the other side of the table. Our first meeting.

"Beat it nub before I beat you." I didn't even look at him. Carly tries to intervene, but he leaves before she could say anything. I'm getting this knot in my stomach.

"You understand yet?" I shake my head. "Freddie's being rejected again. Want to see more?"

"No, not really." There's a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye.

"Too bad, tour's not over yet." We jump to Sixth grade. "This look familiar?"

I see Freddie setting up a projector and laser light show for me and Carly's big talent show routine. This is when we started getting the idea for 'iCarly'. We were doing an early version of "The cowboy and the Idiot Girl". Freddie is walking up to us.

"All set for the show ladies. Do you need anyone else in the skit?"

"No, nub, you're just here to handle the lights. Leave the acting to the professionals." I rip into him; God, younger me is so mean to him.

"Thanks for the offer Freddie, but we got it covered." Carly can make anything sound nice.

"Okay." Freddie walks away, head down.

"One more thing, then you're free to go." Mitch takes my hand.

We're in the hallway of Ridgeway High School. "You just can't stand the idea of me and Carly dating."

"No, it makes me wanna puke up blood." I know what I'm thinking right now. "You remember that guy who kept asking me out, Jake Mosbey?"

"Nosbey Mosbey?"

"Yeah, well remember how I kept telling him to leave me alone or I'd call the cops, until he got me a subscription to the bacons of the month? I went out with him just because of that, I didn't love him it was the foreign bacon."

"Really?"

"Bolivian bacon can do things to you. My point is that's all it was, just bacon. Not him."

"I don't understand."

"You saving Carly's life is her bacon. She loves you saving her life not you."

We let the rest of the scene play out. "You understand now?"

"I think so; I've been ripping Freddie down his whole life."

"Not just you, Freddie's been rejected since before he was born. All he's ever wanted was one person to say, 'Freddie, I love you just because you're you'. Freddie bases his self worth on what he can do for people, and tonight, you broke him." He held out his hand, "Now, let's check current events."

We land in Freddie's room, the 'Galaxy Wars clock says it's about 15 minutes after he left the studio. There's a letter on his printer and Freddie's lying on his bed; shoes neatly on the floor in front of the closet. Something seems wrong here. Freddie's lips have a bluish tinge and it doesn't look like he's breathing.

"He's not, read the note." Mitch must have read my mind or something. I walk over to the printer. The letter is short and to the point:

_I can't keep going, knowing that I am completely worthless and unloved. I'm sorry for all the pain I'm causing, but I don't know what else to do. Spencer, you were a great friend and maybe the only one I had. Mom, I wish I could have been the son you deserved, not the one you got. Carly, I'm sorry for pestering you all those years; I should have realized that neither you nor anyone else could love me. Sam, you got your wish._

_Fredward K. Benson._

I feel really sick. Freddie's dead and it's all my fault. "Sam, I'm going show you what happens from here on out."

I wipe my eyes and shake my head, "I've seen enough, take me back."

"Not yet, I want you to see how Freddie affects so many other people, so you can understand how selfish you were with your wish." He takes my hand; I couldn't fight him if I wanted to. Freddie's dead, Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

"We're jumping forward about an hour; Mrs. Benson is getting home from work now. She had a bad day at the hospital, one of her patients died."

"Freddie, I'm home. Freddie?" I can hear her walking this way. "Fre…FREDDIE!" She sees his lifeless body; I start to cry too, who would have thought I cared for Freddie. "FREDDIE!" She screamed again.

"I heard yelling, what's wrong?" Spencer runs in. He sees Freddie's body and wraps Mrs. Benson in a hug and drag/carries her towards the Shay's apartment. I can hear me and Carly asking what's wrong. I can hear Carly breaking down; I try to keep my tears in check, but fail miserably. Me and Mitch just stand by as the men from the coroner's office come and get Freddie. Mrs. Benson is hysterical with grief; she tries to throw herself on the body.

"This is just the beginning. Let's go to the funereal." The world spins around and we stop at Lakeview Cemetery. For once, it's not raining; maybe Mother Nature isn't such a bitch. I watch as we gather around the casket; Freddie's in that box. Mrs. Benson is crying softly; Carly, Spencer, and me are sitting with her. I would say I look hot in that little black dress, except I'm wearing it at Freddie's Funereal, not a date. _Did I just want to wear that for Freddie?_

"Yes, you did. I can read your mind." Mitch answers me. "Let's skip to the fireworks."

The funereal is ending and some of the kids from school are putting roses on the casket. Me, Carly, and Spencer stay behind after everyone else leaves. Mrs. Benson looks up at us; a slight smile touches her lips.

"Thank you all so much. You were all Freddie every talked about. Spencer, you were the best big brother he never had. Carly, sweet Carly, he loved you before he knew what girls were; you were kinder to him than anyone." She looks at me, this is not good. "What was your wish?"

I'd rather have a fire hose shoved up my ass than answer her, "I didn't mean it, I never meant for this to … to…"

"What is she talking about, Sam?" Spencer doesn't know.

I watch as future me takes a deep breath, "After Carly tripped on the power cords and had her asthma attack, I yelled at Freddie and said something like, 'I wish you were dead.'" Future me breaks down, so do I. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Mrs. Benson slaps me across the face, "You are a mean little bitch. My son is dead but 'You're sorry'! Do you forgive her Freddie?" She looks at the casket.

"Sam, why did you say that?" Carly asks.

"I was mad, and wasn't thinking, and Oh God, I'm sorry." I sit back down sobbing. Mrs. Benson strikes me again.

"NO! You don't get to cry for Freddie! He's dead because of you, so you don't get to cry." Spencer pulls her away, I wanted her to keep hitting future me; I deserved it.

"Can we go now?" I look at Mitch, he shakes his head.

"Shows not over yet Princess Pucket." He heads towards the school, "Not by a long shot."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Freddie wasn't your personal punching bag; he had a life but not many friends. You and Carly were it, well Gibby too. Not much of a life, but he had other interests too. Fencing club for one. He was the head of it, now without him, it'll close by year's end. Same with the computer club. Let's jump ahead about a week, see what's going on."

I see future me sitting on the roof above the porch; I went there to think and be alone. _Why was I so mean to him?_

"You still don't quite get it do you?" Mitch looks at me. "You were mean because you didn't know how else to react to those feelings you have. You kept everyone away so they couldn't hurt you, but Freddie found the door. You couldn't keep him out, could you?"

I shake my head, "No, I tried, but he got passed my walls and he didn't even know it."

"Carly hasn't spoken to you since the funereal, really no one has. You've pretty much dropped out of school and life. All you do is sit here and wish you could take it all back"

"Can I take it back?" I'll give anything to make it right.

"Unfortunately no, Freddie made this decision of his own free will, I can't grant death wishes. I just did the 'granted' part to make you think I had. I can take you back to when we met, and you'll remember everything that you saw here, until the real events unfold, so once an hour passes, you might forget Mrs. Benson's screaming; you understand?"

"Yeah. Thank you Mitch."

"You're welcome." The Shay's kitchen materializes around me. Carly's standing in front of me waving her hands.

"SAM! You in there?" I shake my head, a little foggy. "You were just staring off into space there. You okay?"

"No, Freddie's killing himself, call 9-1-1." I run out of the apartment and try Freddie's door, locked! I pull the bobby pin out of my hair and start on the lock.

"Sam, Freddie would never kill himself!" Carly pulls at me. "He's probably in the bathroom or something."

"If he's okay, I'll call the cops myself and confess to breaking and entering!" She can see the determination in my eyes. I get the door open. "FREDDIE!" We head for his room, the door was open.

"See, he's just taking a nap." Carly points to Freddie. "Wake up Freddie, tell Sam goodbye for 30 days. Freddie? Freddie WAKE UP!" She shakes him violently.

I spot the empty bottle on the dresser, next to the glass of water. He put it on a piece of paper, like a coaster. "Spencer, call 9-1-1! Carly, grab that bucket! I shout orders like a general; we were at war, we were fighting for Freddie's life. Carly hands me the bucket, I shove it back. "I gotta make him puke." We roll Freddie to the edge of his bed and put the pail on the floor. I stick three fingers down his throat; Freddie gags then retches. I glance at the mess, the pills are still mostly intact.

"Ambulance is on its way." Spencer comes back into the room.

"Get down to the lobby and hold the elevator till they get here." He leaves as Freddie makes this sad whimper noise.

"How did you know?"

I look at Carly, who's holding Freddie's hand, "I can't really explain it, but I had this vision or dream or something in your kitchen." We just stand there for a few minutes, making sure that Freddie is still breathing, it's slow and shallow. We hear the EMT's coming through the door.

"What do we have?" The lead asks, as they cut Freddie's shirt off. I never noticed he's sporting a four pack.

"He swallowed a bunch of these." I hand him the bottle; I point to the bucket, "I made him puke 'em back up."

"Was he awake?"

"No."

"He coulda drowned in his own vomit." I feel worse. "Where's his parents?"

"His mom works at Seattle Memorial hospital, she's a nurse." Carly answers. "We never met his dad."

"Okay, what do you two know about him?" They start to move him out of the room towards the ambulance.

"She knows more than me, you go with Freddie, I'll meet you at…" I look at the driver.

"Seattle Memorial, we'll call ahead and have him mom meet us in the ER."

I watch as the EMTs load Freddie into the van and Carly climbs in after him. They roll off towards the hospital; Spencer pulls up on his Harley-Davidson. I remember when Carly bought that thing for him with the Tech-Foot money. It's strange what you remember in a crisis. He hands me a helmet as I jump on the back. I'm praying that I get the chance to make things right.


	3. In the Hospital

**At the Hospital**

The EMT was firing questions at her at a machine gun rate: _Had Freddie been depressed lately? Did he have a history of mental health issues? Had he ever tried to commit suicide before?_ _How much of what had he ingested? _Carly answered as honestly as she could; she quickly realized she just didn't know that much about Freddie. When they arrived at the hospital she saw Mrs. Benson waiting for them in the ambulance loading area. She seemed calm and in control, like she had done this before. Carly followed them up to the ICU and one of the nurses forced them to stop at the door. Mrs. Benson looked stunned that someone would stop her from doing her job; Carly just sat in one of the chairs and started to cry softly.

Mrs. Benson sat down next to her, "Carly, I need to know what had happened." She looked like she couldn't hold it together much longer.

Carly looked at her hands, they were shaking. Her voice quickly picked up speed as she told the story. "Freddie was doing some work on the monitor and asked me for a tool, I tripped over a cord and landed on my chest. I had an asthma attack; Sam flew off the handle and yelled at Freddie. He left the studio and it was weird, he said 'Goodbye'; he never says 'goodbye'; I should of known something was wrong then and I coulda helped…" Marissa cut her off.

"Carly, you're rambling. Take a breath and tell me what happened."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little scared and stressed out; I guess you are too." Marissa nodded. "A few minutes later Sam went down to get some ham and I went down a minute later and she was just staring off into space. When Sam snapped out of it she starts yelling that we have to get to Freddie and she picked the lock and we ran into Freddie's room and …and he…" She broke down.

Marissa gently wrapped her up and started to cry herself. Spencer and Sam ran in shortly thereafter. Sam saw the two of them crying and assumed the worst.

"NO, don't tell me we're too late." She started shaking her head back and forth. Tears formed in her blue eyes, "No, this is all my fault."

"Benson?" A doctor called out. The group walked towards him. "Who's family here?"

"I'm his mother, but they can all stay for this." Marissa answered.

"We got Freddie stabilized and he's out of danger." The group let out there collective breath. "Which one of you made him vomit?"

Sheepishly, Sam stepped forward. "I did." The EMT's words still rang in her ears, _He could have drowned!_

"That probably bought us the time we needed to get him here; you saved his life." The others started to congratulate Sam on her quick thinking. Sam pushed them back.

"No, no I caused this." Sam started breathing rapidly and shaking her head. "No, I wished he was… and then he…I didn't mean it." She started sobbing; Carly recognized the signs before the doctor.

"Sam, slow down or you'll hyperventilate." But she was past the point of no return. Sam's breath caught in her throat and she suddenly couldn't breathe. She started to panic; making her struggle that much more desperate. Sam stepped on the untied lace of the Converse low tops; causing her to fall backwards onto the floor. A sharp pain flared in the back of her head; her vision started to fade.

_I die saving you from me, ironic huh Freddie._ Sam thought as the world went dark.

"We need some help STAT!" The doctor yelled, pushing past Carly. The staff quickly got Sam on a bed and into a treatment bay. The doctor that had been talking to them checked her eyes for light responses; good. The back of her head was bleeding a little; He decided to put a few stitches in. As the orderly shaved a small area around the cut another started an IV on her.

"What's wrong with her?" Carly was barely holding it together. Her two best friends in the hospital, this is not happening.

"She cut her head when she fell and we're starting the IV to get some meds into her. Does she have any medical issues, allergies, anything I need to know?"

"No, just Sam hates hospitals. Her grandmother died in one when she was 4, so she thinks everyone in a hospital dies." They could hear her wheezing; Carly took her best friend's hand. "What's wrong with her? I have asthma and this is not it."

The doctor; Carly read his badge, Michael Connors, gave them a reassuring smile. "She hyperventilated and then went into respertory distress. Nurse, could you put a couple of staples in that cut?" He didn't wait for her answer before heading across the hall. "We're going keep her here in the ER for a few hours, just until she wakes up and then send her home with you." He pulled a small syringe from the nearby cart and got a bottle of clear liquid from the locked cabinet.

"What's that?" Spencer injected himself into the conversation.

"It's a light sedative, just enough to relax her and let her lungs work right. Anyone know about how much she weighs?"

"She was complaining about her 'big fat ass' weighing 107 pounds." Carly looked at Sam laying on the gurney; she seemed so fragile. Carly wiped her eyes and swallowed hard. "I need to sit down. I don't feel so good."

Spencer helped her to a chair, "Don't you start too. Just cause all your friends check into the hospital doesn't mean you have to."

"That's not funny! Freddie tried to kill himself and Sam's out cold." She snapped, and then hung her head. "I'm sorry Spencer; I'm just stressed out, I mean…" He stopped her with a wave of his hand.

"I understand it was a bad joke." The two of them looked at the doctor; he was injecting the sedative into Sam's IV line. "When could we see Freddie?"

"Not until at least tomorrow, He's stable, but still out of it." He looked at Mrs. Benson. "Could we talk in private?"

"If it's about Freddie, they can stay; he spends almost as much time at their house as he does his own. We're neighbors." They heard Sam's wheezing lessen, then slowly her breathing returned to normal.

"Okay, he's gonna need some psychiatric counseling after he's released. Children's Services is gonna be looking at your home to see how he got a hold of these pills and it might be a good idea to get some family counseling as well."

"I don't know; I keep all the prescription medicines in a locked safe."

"I can answer that, Sam taught us how to pick locks. Freddie was a natural at it. He must have cracked your safe." Carly looked at the floor. "I didn't know that he would do this or I never would of let him leave."

"It's not your fault. Freddie has had a rough life when it comes to his friends." Marissa took her hand, "You and Sam are about all he has."

"And look what that got him." Carly said, barely above a whisper.

"Carly, you and Sam were all Freddie ever talked about. You two made him happy, it was the rest of his life that he had problems with." Mrs. Benson broke down, the three of them just sat there crying for their friends.

* * *

Sam felt something soft under her and a slight pain in her arm. Her head hurt, and her stomach was unsettled. She recognized the sounds and smells of a hospital. _Freddie would love to see me in a hospital, FREDDIE!_ Her thoughts started to race. "We gotta get to…to Freddie." She tried to get up, but she couldn't move that far. "We gotta…" Sam slumped back onto the bed.

"Sam relax, we're at the hospital; you saved Freddie already." Carly stroked her hair; something that she knew would calm Sam. "You hit your head when you passed out. I'll get the doctor." She walked over to the desk.

Sam looked around, getting her bearings. She saw a police officer talking to Mrs. Benson. They glanced at her then started walking towards her.

"How are you feeling?" A new voice interrupted her.

"A little woozy, like I'm gonna puke. What happened?"

"You hyperventilated and passed out; gave yourself a nasty little cut on the back of your head." He checked her eyes with his penlight and her vitals. He covered the IV needle with a piece of gauze and removed the needle. "Hold this and bend your elbow. You can go home, but I want you to take it easy tomorrow. Nothing really strenuous." He taped the gauze to her arm.

"Okay." Sam sat up and swung her legs off the bed. Mrs. Benson and the cop stepped up as the doctor left. Sam didn't even look up as she held her wrists out. "I'm ready to go."

"Go where?" The officer looked confused. He looked at Marissa, "You said that you were letting Spencer take your car and I was giving you a ride home."

"Yes, that's right." She looked at Sam, "Where did you think you were going?"

"Jail, that's why you're here, right? To arrest me for attempted murder." Sam was confused now.

Shaking his head, "No, I'm Marissa's boyfriend, Tom Parker."

"But Freddie tried to… after I said…" Sam couldn't talk. "I have to be punished for this."

Mrs. Benson wrapped Sam in a gentle embrace. "Sam, Carly told me the whole story while you were unconscious. Sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong. Spencer and Carly are going take you home. Get some rest and come back tomorrow. Freddie should be able to have some visitors then."

"You still trust me around him?"

"Yes, I do. You're one of Freddie's best friends."

"Come on Sam, let's get something to eat." Carly helped her up and lead her out to Mrs. Benson's Prius. They trio drove to a local diner; no one said a word. As they sat down the waitress walked up and asked for their drink orders.

"Diet coke." Spencer said.

"Me too." Carly replied.

"Just some water." Sam answered in a monotone. This was bothering her more than she would admit.

"Sam, I'm paying, so order something." Spencer told her, then pointed to Sam and nodded to order her a diet coke also.

"You really gave us a scare Sam. How you feeling?"

"Fine." She was short with her answer. "How long was I out?"

"A few hours, Sam, it's okay to admit you're scared. We all are. What Freddie did…" She cut Spencer off.

"Was my fault! Freddie's in a hospital room half dead because of me!" She noted some of the other patrons were looking at her, "What you looking at?"

"Sam, settle down or they'll throw us out." Carly scolded her.

The waitress returned with their diet cokes and Sam's water. "What can I get y'all?"

"I'll have the western omelet, hash browns and bacon." Carly handed her the menu.

"Breakfast for dinner, nice." Spencer said, "I'll have the same."

"I'm not hungry." Sam didn't even look up.

"She'll have the same." Carly ordered for her. After the waitress left, "Sam, you need to eat something."

"What's it matter. Everyone hates me and Freddie's in the hospital because I had to tear him down." She wiped the tears from her eyes, "How can you stand to look at me?"

"Sam, when you were passed out, the family services counselor came by and gave us her card. I think you need to call." Carly slid it across to her. "Just take it. If you want to call them, fine if not, fine; but take the card."

"How am I gonna face Freddie after this?" She pocketed the card.

"Just like you did yesterday. The only difference is that now you have to choose your words a little more carefully." Carly decided to tell Sam about what Freddie had told her. "Sam, I think Freddie has feelings for you. Today I told him that I would be home alone and he asked about Spencer and Socko going to the junkyard."

"Damn, I gotta call Socko." Spencer got up from the table.

"Anyway, Freddie said that he just didn't have those feelings for me anymore, but was falling for another girl. When I pressed him, he wouldn't name names, but he got real quiet when you walked in with that ham."

"God Carly, what am I gonna do? I almost kill my best guy friend and I … oh God what am I gonna do?" Sam was on the verge of panicking.

"First, you're gonna eat something. Then you're coming home with me and Spencer and getting some sleep. Tomorrow, we'll go down and see Freddie and you can go from there." Carly wiped her eyes, "When you were laying on that bed out cold, I was so scared. I almost had an asthma attack again."

"I thought you had that under control?" Sam sipped her diet Coke; Carly took that as a good sign.

"Well, when you see your two best friends in the hospital…" She didn't have to finish.

"Socko was cool, he understood why I missed the junkyard meeting, he did find some really cool parts to… you really don't care what Socko found, do you?"

"Not really." Carly answered for them both. Sam asked her for some Advil, her head was hurting.

Spencer sat down and sipped his diet coke. "Sam, I want you to know that if you need anything, just ask."

"Thank you, Spencer." Sam seemed unusually quiet, but he expected that after what had happened. "I feel like someone should beat the shit outta me for this.

"Sam, none of us knew about Freddie's problems. Stop beating yourself up. You saved his life." Carly said.

"After I put it in danger." Sam sat on her side of the table, not looking at either of the Shays. The waitress brought their plates; Carly and Spencer started eating as soon as the waitress had left. Sam just sat, even though she was hungry.

"Sam, you need to eat." Spencer said. Sam looked at him as if to say something, but remained silent. "If you don't start eating Sam, I'll file a 5150."

"A what?" Carly asked as she washed down some of the hash browns.

"A 5150 is a forced hospitalization, if the person is deemed a danger to themselves or others."

"I don't need to be hospitalized; I need to be in prison or something. I said that I wished Freddie was dead and the next thing he does is down a bunch of pills."

"None of us knew about Freddie's life and starving yourself won't help him." Carly pick up some of Sam's eggs with her fork, "Here comes the airplane." This earned her a smile as Sam took the fork and started eating.

Sam finished her meal soon after the Shay's. "Thank you dinner, but I still feel like I did something wrong."

"Sam, you need to talk to someone outside this situation." Spencer laid his debit card on the check. "When our mom died, Carly was only about 3 and dad was kind of distant, so I ended up talking to this teacher at school. She helped me a lot."

"Let's go home and get some sleep. Maybe things will look better in the morning." Carly stood and headed for the door.

"Would you guys mind…" Carly cut her off.

"You know you can stay at our place any time."

"Thank you. I just don't trust myself right now."

"You aren't thinking about doing something stupid are you?" Carly eyed her carefully.

"No, but with all that vodka in the house…"

"You're crashing with us for awhile." Spencer held the door open for the girls.


	4. Calling Cards

Calling Cards

Sam was walking down the hallway; for a hospital, it seemed unusually dark. _Where is everyone?_ Sam looked around the halls for anyone. The lights were on in the room at the end of the hallway. As she walked up, she noted the room number, 333. She opened the door; Carly, Spencer and Mrs. Benson were standing on the far side of the bed. They were all dressed in black; Freddie lay on the bed, unmoving.

"You did it Sam, you killed Freddie." Spencer said in a monotone, then started to clap. "Bravo! BRAVO!"

"How could you, Sam? He loved you, not me." Carly turned away from her, disappearing into the darkness.

"I hope you're happy with yourself." Mrs. Benson looked at her, then at Freddie. "I'm sorry my little prince, I couldn't protect you from her."

Sam edged closer to the bed; leaning over Freddie's body she whispered, "I'm sorry Freddie. I never meant it, I don't want…" She started before he wrapped his hands around her throat.

"Too late Princess Puckett, you'll have to live with this for the rest of your life." She could feel his grip getting tighter and tighter.

As her vision started to narrow, Sam saw Carly run out of the shadows. "Sam, stop struggling. You got your blanket around your neck. Stop fighting me Sam!" She felt the hands around her neck loosen; then gently grasp her cheeks. "Sam, look at me. Look at my eyes."

Sam looked at Carly gasping, "What…?"

"Breath, Sam. Just like me." Carly inhaled slowly, then exhaled; she continued to do this in a very methodical fashion. Sam was finally able to breathe normally. "You okay?"

Swallowing hard, "I had a nightmare that we were back in the hospital and Freddie was dead and you and Spencer and Freddie's mom hated me. And then Freddie reached up and started choking me, then you saved me."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know, what's wrong with me?" Sam was nearly hysterical. "Carly, am I crazy?"

"No, but you need to talk to someone." Carly sat with her for a few minutes, letting Sam collect herself. "How about some milk and cookies? I know that sounds childish…"

"Sure, could you warm the milk a little?" Sam stood up and headed for Carly's bathroom.

"You gonna be okay?" Carly was nervous about letting Sam be alone.

Nodding, "Yeah, I just need a minute."

"Be right back." Carly headed down the steps to the kitchen. Spencer was getting some milk too.

"Whatcha doing up?" Spence was mildly surprised to see Carly up.

"Sam had a nightmare and got her blanket wrapped around her neck and freaked out. How do you get your blanket wrapped around your head?" She got the milk from him and poured two glasses.

"That happened to me once. I dreamed I was swimming and then I couldn't breathe even though I was out of the water." Spencer offered her the chocolate chip cookies.

"I'm worried about Sam. She's taking Freddie's suicide really hard and she won't talk to me about it and I just don't know what to do."

"You're doing everything you need to; just be there when she is ready to talk." Spencer sat on the barstool, "When mom died, I barely said a word to anyone for almost a month. Finally, I started talking to Mrs. Stall, you know her, the art teacher." Carly nodded. "She listened to me vent and got me to talk. That's all you can do, just be there when she's ready to open up."

"I'm just worried that she'll do something stupid and then…"

"Let's go talk to her. Besides, I want some more cookies."

The siblings went upstairs and heard Sam talking to someone. "…Please call me back at 555-4545." Sam turned quickly when she heard the door open.

"Is someone here?" Spencer looked around the room.

"Yeah, my Latin boy-toy, Antonio climbed 8 flights of stairs to see me." Sam held up her pear phone. "I called…called that social service number you gave me. I know I …I need some help." Sam wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry, I know you two have your own stuff to deal with, and I just keep dumping on you. Why am I so messed up?"

"Cause you have something you can't get past, and only you will be able to figure that out." Spencer sounded really mature, not his usual goofball self. "You know we're here if you need us."

"Thank you both." Sam sat on her sleeping bag, "Is that milk warm?"

"Cookie?" Carly offered her the bag.

"Thank you." Sam took a few. "Carly, if there was a flood and you had just enough time to save me or Freddie…" Carly stopped her there.

"I'm not answering that, Sam. You want someone to punish you for something that isn't your fault. None of us knew that Freddie had these problems; if it hadn't been you tonight, if would have been me tomorrow, or Briggs next week. The important thing is that Freddie's gonna be okay." Carly grabbed a couple more cookies. "And truthfully, I'd jump in with you two, so none of us would survive."

"Now I've concerned." Spencer broke in.

Sam smiled; her phone rang. They all looked at her, "Hello?"

"Is this Samantha Puckett?" A woman asked.

"Yes, who's this?"

"My name is Amber Dane, I'm the on-call Counselor, you called our number."

"Yeah, I didn't think anyone would call me so soon." Sam walked over to the corner. "My friend tried to kill himself and I need to talk to someone."

"I have an opening tomorrow at 10 am. Can you make that time?"

"Yeah, where?"

"I have an office down the street from Seattle Memorial, Suite 200."

"Thank you." They hung up.

"Who was that?" Carly asked, washing down her last cookie.

"The counselor from Social Services. She had an open time tomorrow at 10. It's across from the hospital. Can I get a ride?"

"Sure, plus visiting hours start at 9." Spencer informed her.

* * *

"I'm glad I started keeping clothes here." Sam looked at the items hanging in the spare closet.

"I'm gonna go make some breakfast, you want some bacon?"

"A little bit, my stomach is, I don't know. I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I'll be down in a few."

"Stay blonde,"

"Stay Brune."

Carly plated the some of the microwavable bacon and started cooking it. She poured herself a bowl of honey Oh's.

"How do I look?" She heard Sam ask.

"You look…WOW." Carly almost dropped her cereal. Sam was wearing a skirt that ended just above her knees, and a pastel blouse that hugged her. She had taken the time to put on her make-up and styled her hair.

"You guys almost ready?" Spencer walked into the living room, "Hi Melanie, when you get here?"

"Spencer, that's Sam." Carly still couldn't believe it.

"WOW." Spencer stopped.

"I said wow too." She grinned, "You look hot."

"Thanks, I wanna start being nicer and stuff, like when you made me all girly for Pete. Hope you don't mind, but I borrowed a pair of panties."

"What do you usually wear?" Spencer looked confused.

"Boxer briefs." Sam answered as if it was no big deal. "Carly, could we go shopping today? I wanna get some girly clothes and stuff."

"Sam embracing her feminine side, yeah we'll go shopping."

* * *

The trio took the bus, Spencer and Carly would drive his motorcycle back and Mrs. Benson said she would give Sam a ride.

"Freddie Benson." Spencer asked the nurse at the desk.

"Your names?"

"Spencer and Carly Shay, Sam Puckett." He motioned to each person.

"Room 333."

"Thanks." They headed down the hall. Sam started breathing a little faster.

"You okay?"

"This was my nightmare; He was in room 333, and he was dead and you two hated me and…" Sam was getting worked up.

Carly gently grabbed Sam's face, "Look at me, No one hates you." Carly took a slow breath, "No one blames you." Another breath, "There's no reason to be scared." Sam calmed down after a minute.

"Where did you learn that?"

"Spencer used to do that when I would get an asthma attack as a child."

"You sure no one hates me?"

"Just you, but we can work on that." Carly took her hand. "I'll be right beside you the whole time."

"Thank you." Sam looked scared.

Spencer knocked on the partially opened door, "Hey, it's us."

Freddie looked at them, "Hi, how you doing?"

"That's our line." Spencer chuckled.

"When'd you get in Melanie?" Freddie looked at the blonde. "Sam at the loft upset she didn't get her wish?"

Tears formed in her blue eyes, "I didn't mean it Freddie. I don't want you dead." Sam turned and ran out of the room.

"That was SAM, you nub." Carly almost yelled, "She's been torn up since we found you last night. She gave herself a panic attack in the ER and ended up passing out. She woke up screaming twice last night from nightmares." Carly followed after Sam, who was just outside the door sitting on a chair.

"He's right, I did wish he was dead." Sam looked like she would shatter if someone touched her. "I need to go."

"No, you need to talk to him."

"I mean, I need to go to my appointment. I'll be back after it." Sam got up, "Could you tell Freddie, I'll be back?"

"Yeah." They hugged and went their separate ways. "Freddie, I know you're having a rough time, but I will beat your ass if you say something like that to her again. She's been beating herself up worse than anything she ever did to you." He took her seriously, Carly never swore.

"I didn't think you knew those kinds of words."

"You have no idea. How you doing?"

"I have a psyche screen this afternoon and they want to keep me one more day, but other than that, I'm good. How you handling everything?"

"I feel like you don't trust me. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you, even if we're just friends. Okay?"

"I didn't tell you cause I know Sam would find out and use it against me later, like she did with me never having kissed a girl." Freddie answered, "It had nothing to do with you."

"Well, Sam had an appointment across the street at Social Services; a counseling appointment. She's messed up like you would not believe. I was scared to leave her alone last night. She barely ate her omelet last night and all but refused bacon this morning."

"Why would Sam care what happens to me? She hates me, right?" Freddie was puzzled.

"Maybe not, she wore a skirt and said she wants to act more girly." Carly reminded him. "So, when she comes back, try and be nice to her."

"Do or do not, there is not try." Freddie quoted Yoda.

* * *

Sam sat in the functional, if somewhat outdated chair. She was nervous; what would they blame her for?

"Sam?" The soft voice asked. "Come on back."

She followed the woman back to an office at the end of the short hallway. "I'm Amber, we talked briefly last night."

"Hi." Sam looked around the office. She took one chair and Amber took the other. "Thanks for seeing me."

"I usually keep one morning slot open for emergencies. What's on your mind?" Sam noticed how she didn't talk like a psychologist, but a friend.

"I…I almost killed my best friend last night." Sam blurted out.

"What happened?"

"Freddie was fixing one of the monitors on the 'iCarly' set and asked Carly of a tool. She tripped and fell and had an asthma attack. I yelled at Freddie and said 'I wish you were dead.' Then I got some ham and had this vision/ dream, I don't know, and saw what was happening with Freddie. I never…never really…really…" Sam broke down, "I didn't mean it."

"Shhh, it's okay." She let Sam cry it out. "What else happened? Did he ask you for the pills or say anything?"

"No, he just left; he did say 'good-bye' which he never says. I taught him and Carly how to pick simple door and key locks, but not crack safes, that's out of my league. I had two really bad nightmares last night. Woke up screaming and crying and I think I'm going crazy."

"Sam, take a deep breath. You're not going crazy; you just feel guilty about this. Why is that?"

"I don't know. Maybe cause he tried to kill himself and I said…what I said." Sam wiped her eyes, with little effect. "Why am I so torn up?"

The two of them talked for the better part of the hour, Amber asking questions to guild Sam towards the answers.

"I wanna try something; word associations and short questions. I just want you to say the first thing that comes to mind. Don't think just, answer me, okay?"

"You're the shrink."

Grinning, "Not yet, Black."

"White."

"Cop"

"Robber."

"Is the sky blue?"

"Yes."

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do drugs?"

"Never."

She continued for another minute or so; Amber noted Sam's quick responses. She asked one last question.

"Do you love Freddie?"

"Yes." Sam stopped and looked up like someone had smacked her in the face.

Amber stopped, "I had to get your active brain to shut off, that's why I bored you with the questions. Your active mind wouldn't allow you to admit that you love Freddie. That's why you're so messed up. Do you feel better?"

She thought for a moment. "I do actually." Sam jumped up, "I gotta go, I got a boyfriend to talk to."

"Before you go, I wanna schedule you in for next week." Sam quickly made the appointment and left.

* * *

Carly, Spencer, and Freddie were channel surfing and talking about TV shows they hated; 'Totally Terry' was still their number one most hated show.

A knock at the door interrupted them, "Hi, can I talk to Freddie, alone?"

"Sure Sam. See you later Freddie." The Shays left.

"Hey Sam, you want my bacon?" He motioned to his half eaten meal. She shook her head.

"Freddie, I know I said some really mean things to you." She stopped his question with a hand, "And I know I don't deserve it, but do you think that there's any way you can forgive me?"

"Why should I?"

Sam sat on the edge of the bed, "I don't know. Maybe because of all the mean things I've ever done, this is the one that's bothered me the most. I hyperventilated last night and passed out. I split my head open when I hit the floor." She turned and showed him the staples. "I had horrible nightmares last night; ask Carly. I barely ate anything since they brought you here. I was talking to that counselor lady and she helped me figure out something." Sam took a deep breath, _It's now or never Puckett._ "I keep pushing you away because I'm scared."

"Of what? You could pound me into fruit paste anytime you want."

"I'm scared that you'll leave me, like every other man I've known: My dad, Pete, Jonah, Grandpa, everyone. I'm scared of what I need to say." She gathered up all her courage, "I love you, Fredward Benson."

* * *

AN: I know they use 'Galaxy Wars', but Yoda is way cooler than Nug Nug.


	5. Shifting Gears

**Shifting Gears**

* * *

"No you don't. No one can love me; I'm just bacon." Freddie turned his head away from her. "That's all I'll ever be, someone's foreign bacon."

"No you're not bacon. I was wrong to say that, I only said that…because I was jealous. I wished that I had been the one you saved, so I could be with you. When you said that you and Carly were dating, I wished it was me. " Sam took a deep breath, "Freddie, I'm sorry I said I wanted you dead. I was angry and scared and I know I need to work on my temper."

"Sam, I can't go from 'I want you dead' to 'I love you' overnight." He rolled over completely, "I need to rest."

"Okay, we'll talk later?"

"Sure, whatever."

Sam walked out of his room, her heart in a blender. She sat down in one of the chairs in the hallway.

"So…How'd it go?" Spencer read her face, "Sorry, forget I asked."

"What'd he say?" Carly sat down next to her. "Gimme the deets."

"He said he was just bacon." Sam couldn't believe that she had gotten this close to the finish line and tripped. "It's like he wants nothing to do with me, he just shut me out." She started to cry softly.

"Sam, I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but look at it from his point of view. He just tried to kill himself because someone important to him said they wished he was dead. Give him some time." Spencer knelt down in front of her. "This is a really emotional time for everyone. Just give him some space and see if he comes around."

"I just thought that…that if I could say 'I love you' that everything would be okay." Sam wiped her eyes. They sat there for a few minutes, Sam finally spoke. "You wonder if there's this big plan for the world and if something doesn't happen that plan gets thrown for a loop?"

"Whatta you mean?" Carly was confused.

"When I was 6, Mom had been drinking for a while and was spending all the money on booze. The gas company shut off our line and it got really cold in our house; I got pneumonia really bad."

"How bad?"

"Bad like, 'Melanie, go say good-bye to Samantha' bad. I can still hear her voice, 'Bye Bye 'Mantha.' They told her that I might go to Heaven; she started crying." Sam stopped to look Carly in the eye, "I hope to God you never have to see that kind of fear in Spencer's eyes. That's when I started with my walls."

"What walls?" Carly asked.

"The ones I built around myself. I decided that if I lived, I wouldn't let anyone get too close to me, so nobody would get hurt again. I even keep you at a bit of a distance. But somehow, Freddie got past my defenses."

"Not to interrupt you, but getting back to the world's plan…" Spencer started.

"Sorry to get off track, the doctors weren't sure if I would make it, but I did. By some random act of blind luck, Sam Puckett lived; I was in here for about three weeks." Sam shuddered; she hated hospitals and this time in her life. "I think that maybe I was supposed to die and I screwed up the universe's plan. Like, I'm here and the world doesn't know what to do with me?"

"Stop it Sam. You didn't screw up anything. Everything happens for a reason. You were meant to survive, meet me and Freddie, and then fall for him. It's just taking longer than you want."

Sniffing, "You think?"

"Yeah, I do." She wrapped her arm around Sam's shoulder. "How about we go home and get some lunch?"

"Okay. Carly, you really think there's hope for me and Freddie?"

"Yes, ask anyone at school, we all figured you two would have hooked up already."

"You two gonna take the bus or how we getting home. My Harley wouldn't hold three."

"I'll wait for Mrs. Benson like we said and meet you two there." Sam wiped her eyes. The tissue came away dry.

"You gonna be okay by yourself?" Carly asked, still worried about her friend.

"Yes, I'll be fine; I'm in a hospital. What kind of trouble could I get into?"

Carly looked at Spencer, "Don't say it."

* * *

Mrs. Benson sat in the hospital room waiting for Freddie to return from the Psychologist's office. She had driven Sam to the Bushwell when Freddie left to see the psychologist. The PCA wheeled Freddie in and waited for him to get out of the wheelchair.

"I coulda walked you know?" Freddie joked.

"Hospital rules man."

"How was your meeting Freddie?" She helped him sit on the bed.

"Good, I talked about a lot of stuff and made some progress." His lip trembled, "I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry I tried to kill myself and I'm sorry…" She cut him off with a hug. "I just want to be the son you deserve, not some burden that totally fucked up your life."

"You were the best thing to ever happen in my life. I know I don't tell you this much, but I'm proud of you." He looked at her like she was talking about someone else. "You're a great student, skilled producer, and you seem to have several of the ladies after you." She showed him his pear phone; there were a few test messages from some of the girls at school. She held him, like she had when he was an infant. "I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, okay. It's gonna be okay Freddie. We'll get through this."

"I know, it's just that my head's this big jumbled mess and I don't know what I want or need or anything." Freddie broke down.

"It's okay Freddie. I know I seem really strict and over-protective, but I do it because I love you." They sat for a few minutes; Marissa finally broke the silence, "Have you talked to Samantha?"

"She came in this morning, acting all torn up. She almost had me convinced she cared."

Marissa shook her head, "I don't believe she was acting, I think Samantha has feelings for you."

"No, she just feels guilty for what she said. You just watch; in a few weeks it'll be just like before. She'll be her old, ham-loving, insult spewing, fat cake chugging self."

"I don't think so, she seems like she really wants to change."

"Mom, trying to change for someone else never works; I know this. She doesn't want to change."

"If you say so, but don't be too quick to brush her aside."

* * *

"Sam, eat your sandwich." Carly pushed the plate in front of her best friend. "You need to keep up your energy."

"Why?" Sam looked like she had been punched in the gut.

"Don't start moping around. Freddie needs some time to deal with his problems." Carly sat down next to Sam, "Just wait and you'll see."

"How you two holding up?" Spencer walked in, carrying a box of junk. "These are some of the parts Socko found the other night. I'm starting a sculpture and need doorknobs."

"Doorknobs?" Sam looked at him.

"Don't ask." Carly cut her off. Her pear phone beeped and she scanned the message. "Freddie's getting released today! He just texted me."

"That's great." Spencer set the box on the floor. Carly began her response. "When?"

"He said probably in a few hours."

"That's good news." Sam pushed her sandwich away, uneaten.

"Eat the sandwich." Carly looked at her, "I will tie you down and force-feed you." Sam relented and picked up the ham and cheese on rye. Spence sat on the floor and sorted his doorknobs; Carly flipped on the TV and turned on the Dingo network.

"Whatcha watching?" Sam brought her plate with her.

"Sorcerers of Soho."

"I thought you hated the Dingo network?" Spencer continued to sort the knobs.

"I just watch it cause the girl on here can sing. You notice that like everybody on Dingo is a singer/actor?"

"So, they can't rely on playing teens forever, gotta have a fallback. I mean you can't have a bunch of 18 year olds playing 13 and 14 year old kids." Sam finished her sandwich. "Carly, you got a little drool…" Sam wiped her own mouth to show Carly.

"Sorry, guess I zoned out there." Sam noticed how Carly was looking at the teen on the screen.

"You okay? You seem a little distracted."

"I'm fine Sam."

"Thanks Carly, for being my best friend." Sam leaned over and put her head on Carly's shoulder. A few minutes later Sam was snoring softly. Carly looked over at Spencer; he was like a kid in a candy store with his doorknobs. "Hey Spencer." She whispered.

"What?"

"Carry Sam up to my room, will you?"

"Sure." He picked up the teen. "She seems lighter than I figured."

"Just put her on my bed." Spencer laid her down gently. "Thanks."

"Carly?" Sam mumbled, "Stay."

"Sure." She crawled next to her best friend. Sam snuggled into the bed as Carly wrapped her arm around Sam. "Good night Sam, I love you."

"I love you too Freddie." Sam answered, Carly chuckled to herself.

Carly laid there until she was sure Sam was asleep. Freddie's suicide attempt had rocked Sam to her core. She carefully extracted herself from the bed and tip-toed downstairs. Spencer was deep in his newest sculpture; he had called it 'Hob-knobbing'.

"Whatcha doing?" (A/N Think Isabella Garcia Shapiro of P & F)

Spencer jumped as he had been too involved in his work to hear her. "God, Gimme a heart attack. I'm working on this wall of door knobs. You see, once I get these gears on the knob, and on the wall, I can turn one and all the rest will turn." His words were stumbling over each other trying to get out of his mouth. Carly loved his child-like exuberance. "I might add a little motor later and make it a moving sculpture."

"Spencer, I need to talk to you." She sounded scared.

"About what? Just as long as we don't have to go to 'that' doctor."

Carly decided to have some fun with Spencer. "Which one?"

"The' woman' doctor."

"Dr. Monroe?" Carly was referring to their family doctor.

"No, your 'special' doctor."

"You mean Dr. Spearman, my gy…" Spencer shoved his fingers in his ears and started screaming. Carly got a laugh out of his antics. "No, it's not that kind of problem."

"Good, what kind of problem?"

"I think that, oh god how can I say this…"

"You're pregnant?"

"NO! I'm worried about Sam. She hardly eats anything and she can't sleep and she's just not Sam." Carly plopped down on the couch next to where Spencer was on the floor. "I don't know what to do for her. You're older and smarter, so what should I do?"

"You're doing everything you can, but Sam has to want to talk first. If you try to force her to talk, you'll just drive her away. All you can do is make sure she knows you're there for her when she's ready." Spencer held up a crystal door knob, "I told Socko 'No crystal knobs', I can't use them. You want it?"

"What would I do with a door knob?"

"I don't know."

"I'm going to the Groovy Smoothie. You want a Blitz?" Carly got up and headed for the door

"Sure, thanks."

"Oh Spencer," She paused halfway out the door, "Gynecologist."

She closed the door as he tried to get the word out of head.

* * *

"Hey T-bo, Can I get a 2 Strawberry splats and a Blueberry Blitz?"

"You wanna try a sandwich?" He held up his stick, there were six turkey sandwiches on it.

"No thanks." She thought about Freddie for a second, "Add another blitz to that order."

"Sure you don't want a sandwich?"

"Yes, but I'll tell Sam about them."

Carly walked back into the apartment there dad had bought when he had gotten this transfer. She had asked him once why an Air Force officer was stationed on a submarine. He had joked that if he told her he'd have to kill her. That worked until she was 10, then he told her the truth; he was an intelligence officer. He also promised that this was his last transfer. He when he had his 30 years in, he would not re-up for another tour. Spencer was soldering the gear rings to the metal knobs and attaching them to the piece of plywood. She watched as he attached the last knob in the row and turned to her, "Whtcha think?"

"It's…an original."

"You hate it, right?"

"No, I just don't understand your art that well." She handed him his blitz, "It doesn't matter what I think, as long as you like it."

"I heard Freddie and his mom a few minutes ago. Why don't you go see him?"

"Yeah, I got him a blitz." Carly walked across the hall and knocked on the door. Mrs. Benson opened the door and let her in.

"He's in his room, how are you doing?" Marissa made small talk.

"I'm okay, but Sam's a big steaming pile of torn up mess. Whatever Freddie said this morning really shredded her. I practically had to force her to eat lunch. I'm kinda scared that Sam might not get over this."

"Why don't you go talk to Freddie."

"Thanks, I didn't even ask how you were holding up?" Carly felt a little rude for not asking first.

"I'm doing okay, I just feel like this is my fault somehow." Marissa sat down and wiped her eyes. Carly wrapped her arms around Mrs. Benson; she had been the closest person to a mom she had ever known. Marissa had helped Carly through puberty and was the one person she could ask for advice. Now it was time to return the favor.

"We all had a part in this, Sam just happened to be the one who finally pushed him over the edge. If you need anything, just ask."

"Thank you Carly. You and Spencer have been so kind during this time."

"Freddie's my friend too." She walked up to Freddie's door; it was closed, but not completely. She knocked as she pushed the door open a little more. "Hello?"

"Come on in, how you doing?" Freddie was shirtless. Carly was looking at him.

"You look hot. You should 'Go Gibby' more often."

"Thanks, is that for me?" He motioned to the Styrofoam cup.

"Yeah, I got you a Blitz." She sat down on one of the office chairs. "I need to have a serious talk with you."

"I already told the Psychologist and mom and the doctor that I just had a momentary lapse in judgment and will never do…"

Carly held up her hand, "I mean about Sam; I don't know what you two said and I don't really care. But she is really torn up, she barely ate anything today. She blames herself for what you did. You need to talk to her and at least let her know it's not her fault." She gave him the puppy-dog eyes, "For me."

"Alright, where is she?" He pulled a Tee shirt on.

"In my room, sleeping. She's also been having nightmares. This isn't her normal 'I feel bad about something'. This is even worse than that time she told everyone you never kissed a girl." They walked back to the Shay's apartment.

"Hi Freddie, whatcha think?"

"I like it, are those gears on the knobs?"

"Yeah, this one spins the rest of them." Spencer showed them. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Muey." Freddie switched to Spanish.

"Why do you do that?" Carly asked.

"What?"

"Use random Spanish phrases."

"I don't know, I just do." He headed up the stairs, "Wish me luck, I'm gonna talk to the Blonde headed demon."

As Freddie quietly slipped into Carly's room, Sam was softly calling out and thrashing.

* * *

Sam was walking down the sidewalk, as usual it was raining. _I hate when it rains. Where is everyone?_ There was no one on the streets; no cars, no hobos huddling under a box, nobody.

"Hello?" The patter of the rain on the road was her only answer. "Carly? Freddie?"

She continued walking to the Bushwell Plaza, Lewbert wasn't at the desk and no one was in the lobby. The elevator was open and waiting, she fidgeted on the ride up. _This is too weird._ "Carly, Spencer mama's home." Silence called back to her. "This is not funny." She walked across the hall and walked into the Benson's apartment without knocking; no one was there either.

Her pear phone rang, "Hello?"

"You're all alone, just like you wanted." The voice on the other end was her own. "There's no one here, you drove them all away. You finally got what you wanted."

Sam threw the phone across the room; smashing it into a hundred pieces. "NO! I don't wanna be alone! Somebody help me."

Freddie watched her thrash and call out, finally easing himself onto the bed and wrapping his arm around her. He whispered, "I'm here Sam, Freddie's here for you."

She turned around, "I'm so glad you're here. Where is everyone?"

"Sam, this is just a dream. Everyone is right where they're supposed to be. You're just punishing yourself."

"I'm sorry Freddie, I'm so sorry I said those things."

"It's okay, I forgive you, but you have to forgive yourself."

Freddie felt Sam relax and slip into peaceful sleep; he kept talking softly to her. He lay next to her, just enjoying the physical closeness they shared. Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.

"That should just about do it." Spencer put the final knob on the wall. "Thanks for the help Carly."

"Just remember it when you sell this thing." Carly glanced at her watch, then the stairs. "How long has he been up there?"

"I don't know," He glanced at the wall clock, "An hour, hour and a half maybe, why?"

"It's too quiet up there." She headed up the stairs, "I'm gonna make sure they're okay."

"Alright, I'm gonna start some spaghetti tacos."

"Don't burn the water."

"It was just that one time…" Spencer stopped talking.

Carly stopped at her door, snoring could be heard from inside. _What the hell?_ As she looked in, she saw Freddie's arm wrapped around Sam. She pulled her pear phone out and snapped a picture. Carly titled her message 'Freddie and Sam sleeping together'. She selected Spencer, Melanie and Mrs. Benson from her contact list and added a message below the picture, '**What? You thought they were 'sleeping' together. Sickos.**'

Melanie was the first to respond, '**They look so cute together.'**

Mrs. Benson texted, '**You gave me a scare with that title.'**

* * *

Freddie felt Sam stir under him, after a minute he started to speak Spanish to her.

"Como este?" (How are you?)

Sam surprised him by answering, "Yo no soy asi'" (I'm not well)

"Por que? (Why)

"I mató a Freddie!" (I killed Freddie)

"No, yo estoy aqui'" (No, I'm here)

"Te quiero, Freddie" (I love you, Freddie)

"Descansar ahora, hablaremos más adelante." (Rest now, we'll talk later)

Rolling over to face Freddie, "I did rest, for the first time since, you…" Sam couldn't bring herself to say it.

"Tried to kill myself." Freddie finished the line. Sam nodded.

"I'm sorry Freddie."

"It's only you being you; I should have thicker skin by now."

"I don't want you to have thicker skin; I want to stop being mean like this. I wanna be someone people want to be around, like you and Carly." Sam felt her pear phone buzz, telling her she had a message. "I am gonna smack Carly, look." She turned the phone so Freddie could see it.

"At least she got my good side." Freddie chuckled.

"You didn't try anything while…" Sam looked at him.

"Nope, I just put my arm around you. You were yelling out our names and flailing about, bad dream?"

"Yeah, I was walking through the city and there was no one around. Then my phone rang and it was me saying that I had driven everyone away." She buried her face into his chest. "I don't wanna be alone. That's why I'm scared right now. I'm scared that you and Carly are gonna stop talking to me. I hate myself for what I did. You think that maybe I should be the one that kills…" Freddie cut her off.

"NO, why are you being so hard on yourself? It's just me, Freddie."

"You're not a 'just'." Sam wiped her eyes. "I had a talk with a counselor after I ran out of your room this morning. She helped me to see why I'm so mean to you."

Freddie waited a moment for her to continue, "Well?"

"Except for Spencer, every man in my life has left me; Dad's in prison, granddad died, Jonah used me to get to Carly. I'm scared that you'll leave me too."

"Why would you care if I left? You tell me constantly how much you want me gone."

"That's so you'll leave on my terms, not just one random day." She took a deep breath, "I love you Freddie Benson. That's why I'm scared. You made it past all my defenses and still want to be near me."

"Maybe, I like pain."

"I don't want to be like that anymore. I wanna be someone that's worthy of your friendship." Sam took a slow breath, "I don't feel so good." She jumped out of Carly's bed and managed to get to her desk-side trash can before she vomited. Freddie got up to check on her, "You okay?"

"I think that turkey might have been spoiled."

Freddie offered her his handkerchief, "You have a little…" He glanced at the cloth, there was blood on it. He looked at her again; Sam was very pale. "Sit down."

"Okay." Sam took a step towards the ice cream couch, but her leg gave out.

"SAM!" She heard Freddie yell, but he sounded so far away. Sam felt him turn her head; he looked scared.

He tapped her cheeks, "Stay with me Sam, CARLY! SPENCER!"

A slight smile touched her lips, "Not worth the effort." Sam passed out.

* * *

A/N: I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has reviewed this sotry and invite you to check out my other iCarly FF. My favorite is 'Concrete Angel'.


	6. Gut Check

**Gut check**

**

* * *

**

**Sam's POV**

-Beep-beep-beep-

_Where…?_ Just thinking is exhausting. I slowly swallow and open an eye, God, too bright! I groan in pain.

"Samantha, you awake?" I hear whispered to me.

Only one person would risk calling me Samantha. "Melanie?" I barely get out. "What happened? Where's Freddie?"

"I finally got him to leave for a while; he's getting us dinner and you some Fat Cakes." I open both eyes to see my twin. She looks tired, worn down; why am I doing this to my friends?

"Dinner?" The thought of food makes my stomach churn, and not in a good way. "I think I'm gonna be sick." I try to breathe slowly; maybe I can head this off. Melanie is pushing a button on the remote for the bed.

"Can I help you?" A nurse is walking in.

"She said she feels like she's gonna be sick, get the doctor please." She never made a big fuss over me before.

"What…what happened?" I close my eyes again; I can feel my strength leaving me.

"Samantha, stay with me please." Melanie looks really scared. I open my eyes and force myself to stay awake. "Your ulcer ruptured, two days ago. You were bleeding into your stomach for a while then, puked. By the time they got you here, your blood pressure was 83 over 41. The doctor had to rush you into emergency surgery; they managed to patch the hole. You needed quite a few units of blood." Melanie shows me her arm; there's a piece of gauze at her elbow. "They said that your labs didn't show any drugs in your system, why haven't you been taking your prescription?"

"No money, mom would rather by booze then my medicine."

"I thought you got a part time job to pay for it yourself?"

"Mom watches for my paycheck to get deposited, then transfers it all to her account. I try to get the money before she moves it, but…"

"Why didn't you say something to me?" Carly had been quiet until now.

"It's not your problem Carls."

"No, but you're my best friend. I would have helped you."

I close my eyes and think back on the looser my mom has become. "When did you get here Melanie?"

"I was on my way up to surprise you…surprise." Melanie tried to cheer me up. "I'm gonna set something up with your bank so mom can't get your money."

"I tried already." My stomach is waging a rebellion, "Mom has to sign off on any changes."

"Are you okay?"

"Not really, my stomach is killing me."

"It almost did." I hear a man say, "I'm Dr. Tim Pennell, you can call me Tim. How are you feeling?"

"Um, better I guess. Stomach is hurting, feeling like I wanna puke." I break down, "I'm scared mom is gonna find me and beat me for not going to work."

"She was half sloshed, and yelling at the cat to get a job." Melanie reassured me. I take her hand, wishing I was back at Carly's loft.

"You're not going anywhere for a few days. That ulcer needs to heal." He checks my blood pressure, 103 over 55. "I'm gonna keep that IV in for a little while longer. Right now, your stomach can't handle any stress on it; that means you're getting IV fluids, then a liquid diet. You know you could have come in to your doctor and explained what was going on with your mom and gotten you meds for free."

I shook my head slowly, "I'm not begging for anything. I tried to talk to the guy at the pharmacy; he said he would give me the medicine, for a BJ."

"Was it that freaky looking guy, with the nose piercing?" Carly asked. I nod.

There was a tapping at the door; Freddie stood there, holding a bag. "How you doing Sam?"

"I feel a little better now." He walks up to my bed, looking pretty ragged. "How you doing?"

"Pretty freaked out, why didn't you say anything about your stomach problems?"

"It just never came up. When it did bother me, I passed it off as cramps." I hate feeling weak; my stomach tightens. "Oh, why do I feel so awful?"

"You had a hole the size of a quarter in your stomach, and that led to you losing a good deal of your blood volume." Tim filled me in, "You're lucky that you have type AB blood."

"Why?"

"It's the universal recipient. Melanie here is also AB; Carly, Spencer, and Freddie are O." Tim continued, "We were able to get some extra units from them."

I looked at my friends, "Thank you all." I feel a tear on my cheek; I'm almost too weak to wipe it off. "I hate to ask, but could…could I rest?" This must be what the dying feel like.

"Sure," Melanie stroked my hair. "We'll be back tomorrow, you rest up okay."

"Melanie, I'm sorry I was a bitch to you growing up." I apologize, my voice barely there. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Just get better." I close my eyes and the sounds of the world quickly drift away.

* * *

"I need to ask some serious questions." Dr. Pennell turned to the group. "Has anyone been abusing her?"

"Not that I know of. Why?" Carly looked concerned.

"While we were closing her up yesterday, I noticed some bruises. They were yellowed and fading, but you could tell that they were in the shape of a fist."

Carly looked at Freddie, "You didn't…" she couldn't imagine him hitting Sam.

"You really think I could do that?"

"It's probably mom." Melanie answered. "She would hit us when we were kids; for any little thing." She wiped a tear from her eye. "Sam would take the brunt of it, even when I 'screwed up' as mom put it. It was like Sam felt she needed to protect me."

"It's okay, Melanie." Spencer took his pear phone out, "It's time we protected her." He moved towards the door, dialing as he walked.

"How's she doing doc?" Freddie handed Carly the paper sack from Burger King.

"It's gonna be a day or two until she'll be allowed to drink anything and even longer until she can eat solid food. Barring infection, she should be released in a few days." He looked at the door, "I'm concerned about her home. If she gets hit in the abdomen before that incision heals, the stitches could rupture and spill her internal organs."

"She can stay with me." Carly said automatically.

"That's the first place mom would look. When she sobers up and sees Sam's gone…" Melanie pointed out.

"Sam can stay with me and mom." Freddie spoke up. "Your mom doesn't know where I live and we can use the fire escape to get to and from Carly's to throw her off. Plus with mom and Tom dating, we have police protection."

"Sounds like a plan." Carly glanced up as Spencer returned to the group. "Where you been?"

"Talking to my friend Jerrod, he and I went to law school together." Spencer explained, "He specializes in family law; I asked what we would need to prove to get Sam emancipated or at lease out of the house."

After a moment Freddie spoke up, "And?"

"Sorry, we just need to prove that Sandy is unfit to care for Sam."

"Should be easy with this and the drinking." Carly started, but was interrupted by a man in a suit.

"Are you Carly Shay?"

"Who are you?"

"My name is Carter Lennox, and this is a restraining order. You are not allowed to have any contact with Samantha Puckett." He handed her a packet of papers. "I also have one for a Spencer Shay, Fredward Benson and Melanie Puckett." He handed the packet to the appropriate person.

"What is this about?" Spencer started to read over the papers.

"Sandra Puckett feels you people are a bad influence to her daughter." Spencer dialed his phone again.

Melanie read over her form carefully, and then headed for Sam's room. "I'll call you later Carly."

"Where are you going? You're banned from seeing Samantha." Lennox started to protest.

"No, Melanie Puckett is; if you check with the California department of records, last year I legally took my father's last name, Patterson. The appropriate paperwork was filed here in Washington; Mom got notice of this when it was finalized. This order is invalid."

"I'll get the order amended and have it here within the hour."

"Until then, piss off." Melanie watched him walk away. "Okay, we have very little time; Spencer, can your friend file for an emergency guardianship hearing?"

"I already told him what was going on and he's working on it. The only problem he said was that we would need a registered foster parent to take custody of Sam, until this is sorted out."

"Gimme a minute." Freddie pulled his phone out. "Mom, yeah we got to talk to her, she's okay for now. Her mom filed a restraining order against us, me Carly, Spencer, and Melanie. Spencer's friend Jerrod is working on getting Sam emancipated, but we may need a foster parent to take her for a while. Great, get down here as soon as you can."

"What was that about?" Carly looked confused.

"Mom is a registered foster parent. I don't know why but she is." Freddie looks concerned, "We need to tell Sam what's going on, so she doesn't get blind-sided."

"I'll go, I'm the only one allowed anyway."

"Okay, break it to her gently though." Spencer was taking charge. "Doctor, are you sure that those bruises couldn't be from anything else? Something your team did during surgery? "

"No, these were older and there was an impression of a ring, very distinctive pattern." Tim pulled a few sheets of paper

"Okay, we may need you for the hearing." The doctor nodded and walked to the desk nearby.

"You gonna have it here?" Carly was looking scared.

"If we have to. Sam's mom is not the person to be making medical decisions right now." Spencer had switched to responsible mode. "Any idea why she would file this now?"

Freddie and Carly shrugged, "No."

They sat down and started on the fast food. "This makes no sense." Freddie had barely eaten half his whopper.

"It does when you hear about dad's life insurance policy." Melanie joined them. "Before he went to prison, dad changed his policy and named me and Samantha as co-beneficiaries. Mom was cut out completely. So, if she has custody of Samantha, she can get her half." Melanie wiped her eyes, "Dad was killed a few days ago; I just had to tell Samantha. I don't know how much more can she handle?"

Spencer offered her a burger, "Not to be nosey, but how much are you looking at?"

"$250,000 each." Carly whistled at the news.

"Now, I see. If your mom can isolate Sam from us, she can get that money."

"Yeah, but it's all just theory. We'll have to prove it." Spencer interjected.

"Can you get a copy of Sam's bank records?" Freddie had an idea.

"Yeah, Samantha gave me her online PIN. Why?"

"If we show that immediately after Sam was paid, your mom transferred the money to her account, it would go a long way." Spencer finished the thought.

"I just need a computer and printer." Melanie ate her chicken sandwich.

"You can use this one." Tim pointed to one at the nurse's station. He smiled, "If more people had friends like you, the world would be a better place."

Melanie thanked him and began getting the records.

* * *

"Alright, you got us down here, what's going on?" The tired looking judge asked. "I'm supposed to be having dinner with my future son-in-law in an hour."

"This shouldn't take too long, your honor. We're petitioning the courts to emancipate the minor Samantha Joy Puckett. Her mother is unfit to care for her."

"Your statement." He glanced at Lennox.

"Sandra Puckett is the only parent Samantha has left now that her father was killed in prison. She is the logical choice to continue to care for Samantha."

"Your honor, Mrs. Puckett's drinking lead to Samantha's current condition." He pulled out the stack of bank records, "Samantha gained employment for the purpose of paying for a needed prescription medication. However, Sandra repeatedly hijacked the money. I have records here that show a pattern of activity." He pointed out a few transactions for the judge. "You see, when Samantha was paid, within 2 minutes the funds were transferred to this account, which we found is Mrs. Puckett's account."

"Is this true?"

"We needed that money for rent and food. Damn kid eats like a horse." Lennox grimaced at her choice of words. "I got her some Pepto, should have been enough."

"Doctor, would any over-the-counter medication have helped Samantha's ulcer?" Jerrod inquired.

"No, her ulcer was a result of a combination of stress and a bacterial infection. Pepto-Bismol might have lessened the pain, but nothing else."

"Thank you."

Lennox sat for a minute trying to save this disaster. "Dr. Pennell, can we speak to Samantha?"

"Not at this time. She is still recovering from emergency surgery to repair the hole in her stomach. She lost a good deal of blood and is very weak." Tim decided to turn the tables, "Does your client wear a ring?"

"Yeah, my mama gave it to me when I got married." Sandra answered.

Carter knew something was up, "Why do you ask?"

"When we were closing the incisions, I noticed bruises on Samantha's abdomen in the shape of a fist with a very distinctive pattern. I had some pictures taken." He pulled them out to show the judge.

"Your honor, I move to suppress on the grounds that I had no knowledge of these pictures."

"You have a set of them in the stack of papers I handed you, when you screamed at me for her medical records." Lennox flipped through the records and saw the pictures.

"Overruled." Judge Harrington looked over the images. "Mrs. Puckett, I would like to see your ring."

"Why?" She tried to cover her hand.

"Because I'm the judge and I said so." He was getting tired of her. Sandra handed him the ring; she was looking very nervous. Harrington looked at the ring, then the photograph. "Doctor, I want you to take myself and the two attorneys to Samantha's room. I want to see her bruise firsthand."

"This way your honor." Dr. Pennell led the three men out. Spencer looked around, trying to avoid Mrs. Puckett's glare.

"Why you fighting me on this? She's my kid."

"So was I, but you couldn't be a mother, so I had to leave." Melanie looked at the tabletop. "My only regret about getting emancipated is that I couldn't get Sam out too."

Sandra turned red, "You're dead to me!" They sat in the conference room in silence. The four men returned, feeling the tension.

"I looked at the bruises and am sure that this ring caused it." He glared at Mrs. Puckett. "Therefore, I am granting the motion for emancipation, on these conditions: Samantha lives with a register foster parent until her 18th birthday. She is to have no contact with you, unless supervised by Social services. The money she is to receive from her father's life insurance is to placed in trust until her 18th birthday, however she will get a monthly stipend of $50, any withdrawal over that needs to be approved by her advocates," He looked at his papers, "I am appointing Mr. Spencer Shay and Mrs. Marissa Benson. Is there anything I left out?"

"The restraining orders." Carly piped up.

"Thank you young lady, the restraining orders are null and void. Mrs. Benson,"

"Yes your honor?"

"I am ordering that Social services to conduct an inspection of your home while Samantha is still in the hospital. If everything is in order she will be released to you."

"Thank you your honor."

"This is my final ruling in this matter. Case closed." He tapped the table in lieu of a gavel.

* * *

**Sam's POV**

The beeping is driving me crazy, _where's the damn snooze button? Why won't my arm work right?_ I remember I'm in the hospital.

A very familiar voice asks, "How you feeling?"

"Better, a little stronger." I answer Melanie. "Could I get a drink of water? Mouth's really dry."

"Yeah, Dr. Tim said you can start taking liquids today."

"I had a weird dream, you came in here and told me dad had died." I read her face like a cheap novel. "That wasn't a dream was it?"

Melanie wipes her eyes, "I'm sorry I had to tell you now, but mom filed a restraining order and was trying to get your half of the money." I can hear the monitor beeping faster. "Samantha, take a breath." I take a deep breath, feeling myself calm a little. "Spencer got you conditionally emancipated. Your money is in trust until you're 18 and you are going to live with Freddie and his mom."

"Good, is Carly or Freddie around?"

"I convinced Carly to go home last night, but Freddie is down in the cafeteria getting us some breakfast."

I rub my forehead, "Can you go home and get that black dress on mine, the one with the 'V' neck and the matching pumps. Freddie's funeral is today" Melanie looks confused.

"Freddie's alive and well, what are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, since Freddie tried to...to…" I can't even say it.

"Carly told me about the fight, and Freddie's suicide attempt, and your vision that saved Freddie." She strokes my arm, "You know it wasn't your fault. Why did you think his funereal was today?"

"It's like I have a set of memories of things that won't happen because Freddie lived. You think I'm crazy?" I wipe my eyes, "I would think I'm crazy listening to me."

"I think your imagination just ran wild and you're feeling guilty. You need to forgive yourself?" She looks at me, a mirror opposite. "You think you can?"

I think for a moment, "I will, in time." I mull over being emancipated, "How hard was it to change you name to 'Patterson'?"

"Legally or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Legally, fairly easy; it's just filing the right papers. I stopped thinking of myself as a Puckett a long time ago, so it was no big deal. You thinking of changing your name?"

"Yes, but not to Patterson. I need to think of a name that I could live with for the rest of my life."

"I'll help you when you're ready."

"Thank you." I reach for her hand, "You're the best big sister I could ask for." I feel tears forming.

"And you're a pretty good little sister."

"Who's hungry?" We hear Freddie chime in. "I got some bagels and cream cheese, juice and for Sam, Dr. Tim said to try this." He holds up a can of Ensure.

"Do you think this stuff comes in bacon flavor?" My sense of humor is returning; this is a good sign.

* * *

**AN: **Fear not good readers, this is not the end.


	7. Evil Little Tea Pot

**Freddie's POV**

I walk into Sam's bedroom; I had cleaned out our spare bedroom so she can have her own space. She's started to hang some posters up, make it her own. There's the one of Cuddle fish, Twilight, and the autographed one of Jackson Colt we all have. I wish I could do more to help her, but she won't let anyone in too far. Sam's moaning again; she hasn't had a good night's sleep since she got out of the hospital. I do the one thing I know that helps, I lay down beside her.

"WHO!" Sam snaps awake; her breathing is short and rapid, like she just got done running. She looks at me and then away quickly, "I'm sorry…I, um, had another…"

"It's okay." I prop myself up on one elbow, "You wanna talk about it?" I've asked her every time she's had a bad dream; she never tells me, she just keeps it to herself.

"Could you get me that water please?" I hand her the glass; she drains half the water. "Thank you, Freddie."

"No problem, Sam." I notice she's almost cringing at her own name. "What's the matter?"

"I had a nightmare about a week ago, and in it I was walking around my house and everyone was really sad and you and Carly and Melanie were there. I asked what was going on and you said that 'Sam was dead.' I woke up after you told me that." She wipes her blue-gray eyes; they hold more pain then she's letting go of. "Since then, it's been pretty much the same dream, the four of us are walking through the High school and Principal Franklin is herding us into the auditorium. He thanks everyone for coming to the memorial for Samantha Puckett," I take her hand; she smiles at this little act of kindness. "The weird thing is, I didn't argue with him. As he steps away from the microphone, a casket with me materializes and everyone starts filing past it. We're the last ones to pass 'my casket' and when I look at 'me', I can tell that it's not really me, but she looks like me." I look a little confused. "You know how you can tell me and Melanie apart, same thing. I ask her, 'If you're Samantha Puckett, who am I?' That's when she says that I'm Samantha…I wake up, every time"

I hug her as Sam lets out her pain. I have no idea what to say. Finally, she collects herself; I wish I could just magically make her better. "What do you think it means?"

"I talked to the doctor a few days after the surgery, and he told me that during the operation…I died on the table." I try not to freak out, "Tim, Dr. Pennell, told me that my heart stopped for 43 seconds…was I supposed to die and…" I cut her off.

"No, you were supposed to live. Sam, you've had a lot happen in the last few weeks: your stomach, your dad, getting emancipated. You need time to recover; physically and mentally, and to let yourself live a little." I lean over and whisper in her ear, "I love you Samantha whoever-you-are."

She rests her head on my chest and we just lay there; whatever problems were out there, we would face them together. "Thank you Freddie, for just being you." We hear a knock at the door, it's mom.

"Samantha? I need to apply the antibacterial cream to your stitches." Mom isn't freaked out by seeing us lying in bed. We separate and I head for the door; I want to give Sam and mom some girl time. "How are you feeling today?"

**Sam's POV**

"Okay I guess; I had another nightmare." I pull up the Tee shirt I have on; I'd stolen this one from Freddie's dresser.

"The memorial one?" Mrs. Benson asks; I nod. "Have you told the psychologist about it?"

"Yeah, she thinks that it means that the person I was before all this gone and I'm someone different now. I think she's right, but why do I keep having this dream?"

"Maybe you haven't figured out who you are yet. You said you were thinking about changing your name, did you file the papers?"

"Mailed them out a few days after I was emancipated; I should have a response any day now."

"I was talking with the doctor last night at work and he said that if you feel up to it, tonight for dinner you can have plain pasta." I don't really know how to react; it's a step forward, but I keep thinking of how much I'm burdening the Bensons.

"Samantha? What's wrong?"

"I feel like I'm just leaching off of you. I mean, you took me in, helped me get better and all I do is lay around…" She cut me off.

"Samantha, you are not leaching. You needed a responsible adult to watch over you and a medical professional to help with your post-op care. Freddie wouldn't have forgiven me if I had let you go into the foster system." She's been more of a mother to me these last few weeks than Sandy ever was.

"I promise; I'll pay you back when I turn 18, I'll be able to…" She stops me.

"You will do no such thing. That money is for you to go to college." She's polite, even when scolding someone. "Why don't you get dressed and come downstairs, Tom's making eggs."

"Okay, I'll be down in a few minutes." I stand up, "Mrs. Benson?"

"Yes, Samantha?"

"Thank you and I'm sorry for what I said to Freddie." I've apologized every day since Freddie tried to… I still can't say it. "If I hadn't of ripped on him, he wouldn't have… you know."

"Samantha, Freddie's already forgiven you, and if you hadn't of said what you did, you would have been alone when your ulcer ruptured and most likely would have died. Everything happens for a reason." As she leaves, I think how lucky Freddie is to have a mom like her. I head for the bathroom; I hate that sticky feeling on my teeth. I wash my face and think about what I wanna wear today. Carly told me that the night I got emancipated; her and Melanie went to my mom's house, I stopped thinking of it as my house a long time ago, and grabbed whatever they could carry from my room. The next day, Spencer borrowed Socko's pickup truck and they brought the rest of my stuff to The Benson's. I grab a pair of Capri pants and my 'My cheese, My rules' tee shirt. My low-top Converse completes the outfit. I remember to tie them; don't wanna trip again.

"Good morning Sam, how you like your eggs?" Tom asks from the stove. He's a pretty nice guy and a decent cook; Freddie seems to like him. Everyone seems to think it normal to have someone with a gun on their hip.

"Scrambled please." I put two slices of 12 grain bread in the toaster. This healthy food the Benson's eat isn't so bad. I wanna try that hot pepper jam that Mrs. Benson bought at the farmers market. He cracks two eggs into the pan and starts whipping them. Freddie gets a couple of plates from the cabinet and Mrs. Benson pours some hot tea for everyone. I sit at the breakfast bar and watch. For as over-protective and weird as I thought she was, Mrs. Benson really loves Freddie. I try to hide the tear on my cheek; I wish I had these kinds of memories.

There's a knock at the door, "Samantha, could you get that?" Mrs. Benson asks. I walk to the door thinking about how nice everything here is. It's something I never really had growing up; makes me sadder. I open the door; it's Carly and Melanie.

"Hi Samantha, how you feeling?" Melanie still calls me Samantha, even though I've asked her like a bazillion times to call me 'Sam'. I don't mind Mrs. Benson calling me Samantha, but I wish Melanie would stop.

"Better, the doctor said I could have pasta for dinner." I step to the side and let them in, "He said my stomach is just about healed, but I shouldn't have any spicy foods just yet."

"That's good; won't be too long and you'll be having ham again. You feel up to doing an 'iCarly' episode tomorrow?" Carly asks; she seems a little nervous.

"Sure, just no skits with me in a two-piece swim suit. I still got this zipper in me." I playfully 'strum' the front of my shirt where my stitches are.

"Good morning girls, would you like some tea?" Mrs. Benson asks. They both say yes. "Samantha, could you get the tea cups from the cabinet."

"Sure." I reach into the cupboard and grab the two cups. Melanie calls my name; I turn towards her and didn't quite clear the shelf as I pull the cups out. The handle broke off the one and it hits the counter-top, shattering into a hundred pieces. I look up at Mrs. Benson; she turns holding the tea kettle. A forgotten memory pops into my mind. The mug, the hot water; I start shaking and breathing fast. I finally say something as she walks towards me with the tea pot. "I'm sorry, please don't burn me mommy." I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. "I'M SORRY!"

"Samantha? What's wrong?" She steps closer; I keep my eyes on the tea pot, it looks like the size of a Volkswagen. There's steam and fire coming out of the spout; I start to panic. She waves the tea pot a little and I freak out; I run outta the apartment and straight into the Shay's. Spencer and this woman were making out on the couch; I don't know or care if they know I just tore through the living room. _I gotta hide, gotta hide. Somewhere she can't find me._ I race blindly down the hallway; finally running into a random doorway. I jump over the bed and dive into the closet. I start praying that she doesn't find me.

**3****rd**** Person POV**

"SAMANTHA!" Melanie calls as her twin runs out. Melanie takes a step towards the door, but Freddie stops her. "Let go of me, Samantha needs help."

"Something triggered a flashback. If we go chasing her, she might think that it's whoever hurt her before." Freddie thinks for a minute. "Mom, you and Tom stay here; whatever she saw, it has something about her mom and a tea pot. Did you see how he was watching it?"

Tom affirmed Freddie's statement, Freddie started forming a plan. "Melanie, you go to the lobby and check there. Carly, your apartment. I'm going to the roof."

"You don't think…" Mrs. Benson was visibly shaken.

"No, she told me she used to go to the roof of her house to be alone and think about stuff." Freddie grabbed his pear phone. "Whoever finds her first, call the others."

They split up, each hoping someone found Sam alive. Melanie took the eight flights of stairs. As she ran into the lobby Lewbert screamed at her.

"I JUST WASHED THE FLOOR AND AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Her Puckett side started to show through; she grabbed his lapels and pulls him halfway over the counter. "Did you see my sister come through here in the past few minutes?"

"No miss." He answered meekly.

"Call Marissa Benson if you do." She pushed him away. He ran into his office and locked the door.

* * *

Freddie used the fire escape to get to the roof. After checking behind the A/C units and other outbuildings, he looked over the side. Seeing nothing on the one, he ran to the other three sides; all clear. He's about to head back to his apartment when his pear phone beeps:

_MY ROOM –Carly_

**Carly's POV**

When I ran into my apartment, Spencer pointed towards the stairs. I checked the 'iCarly' studio first and then I head for my room. I slowly walk in, not sure what's going on.

I hear faint crying, "Sam?" I call out softly, "It's me, Carly."

"NO, you're too big." I hear from my closet. I send a quick text to let everyone know where she is. The voice sounds like Sam, but also like a child's. "Carly's little like me."

I slowly walk over and kneel down in front of Sam. She's got her legs pulled up tight and is shaking. "What's the matter?"

She just shook her head no and hugged her legs tighter. She's acting like a child. "How old are you?"

"Eight. You look like Carly, but you're old."

I sort of figure out what's happened to her, "I'm her cousin, Taylor." I use my middle name. "She's looking for you."

"She'll never find me; I'm an invisible ninja." I knew something was wrong. Sam only said that when she was hiding from someone.

"What's wrong?"

"I did something bad."

Sitting cross-legged in front of her, I ask, "What did you do?"

"Mommy asked for a cup of coffee, and …and I…um…I dropped…her favorite…favorite mug."

"That's not really that bad."

Sam's almost hyperventilating, "She said I ruined her coffee, so she…she poured the…whole… pot on my back." As sad as it sounds, I know her mom would do something like that. I wrap her up in a hug; I can't undo the past, but I can help her deal with it. "Just let it out Sam, let it out." I have no idea how long we sat there, but at some point Freddie and Melanie joined us and we just sat there holding Sam. Finally, Sam speaks, she's back to normal. "I'm sorry for…" Freddie stops her.

"Sam, there's nothing you need to apologize for."

"Thank you Freddie." Sam hugs him fiercely, as if someone was trying to take him away. "I'm sorry if I scared you guys."

"What happened?" Melanie was confused. "Why did you freak out?"

"I'll tell everyone at the same time." Sam slowly stood, "I don't want to relive it too many times."

We stand up and Sam wobbles a little. She looks like she's gonna fall down. "I don't feel good, light headed."

"I got you." Freddie picks her up and carries her bridal style down the steps. Mrs. Benson and Tom are still in the kitchen when we walk in. Freddie sets her down on the couch as Melanie fetches her plate. "Here you go Sam."

We get our tea and join Sam in the living room. She's eating slowly, but we wait for her. We all try hard not to pressure Sam as she eats; Spencer walks in and ruins it.

"What just happened? Jennifer is freaking out at everyone running…" I give him the 'Shut up' look. He nods and sits down without another word.

"When I was eight, Melanie was going to that boarding school. I had to wash the dishes before school. Mom wanted a cup of coffee; she was drinking, but still held a job. I got her favorite mug, but," Sam looks like she's gonna break into little pieces. "My hands were wet and it slipped and… It broke."

We just sit there waiting for her to collect herself. Sam finishes her food and asks for some more; Freddie hands her a new plate.

"Thank you. Mom got really mad at me and after she yelled at me for like 10 minutes, beating me the whole time." She wipes her eyes, "She took the coffee pot and poured it on my back." I cringe at hearing this. "Remember that time I missed a few days of school, we had just met and you thought that I was avoiding you?"

"Yeah." I nod.

"She said that if I told anyone, she would hurt my new friend, Christy." Sam smiles a little, "She didn't get your name right until we started 'iCarly'."

"You said you were 8 when this happened." Tom broke in, "How old are you now?"

"I turned 16 this past June."

"Damn, Statute of limitations ran out." He started acting like a cop. "Has your mom beaten you recently?"

Sam shook her head, "I know what you're trying, but I just want to bury my past and move on. It's just gonna take some time and some good friends; anyone know where I can find some?" She joked.

"Samantha, that doesn't work." Melanie spoke up. "You can't hide from your past."

"Melanie, I had to listen to 8 years of 'Why can't you be like Melanie?' and 'Why aren't you smart like Melanie?'." Sam wiped her eyes. "I wanted to tell her the truth so many times, just to get her to stop, but I knew she wouldn't believe me."

"What truth?" Freddie asks; he's taken Sam's hand.

Melanie speaks first, "The day I was to take the entrance examination, I had the stomach flu." She chuckles at the memory. "My breakfast was coming out both ends. I didn't understand why at first, but Sam put me in her bed and striped mine and put clean sheets on it. Then she put on my outfit and took my purse and the papers for the test. She left me to rest and when she got back home, all she said was I was in."

"So you didn't really get into that school, Sam did?" Spencer asked. "Why do you seem to have so much trouble in school?"

"I could have gotten straight A's and been valedictorian, but it wouldn't have been as good as Melanie. Mo.., No she lost that title a long time ago. Sandy never wanted me; I lost count of how many times she said she wished Melanie had been an only child." She looks at Melanie, a tear on her cheek, "Did you ever wish you were an only child."

"No, never."

"Bullshit."

"All right, I used to, mostly when the police brought you home at 3 in the morning. Or when my roommate would answer the phone and it was the recording from juvenile detention asking if I would accept the call." We can see the pain on Sam's face, "But, as I got older and had some time to think about everything, I realize that I am who I am, **because** I had you for a twin sister. I wouldn't trade that for anything." Melanie leans over and hugs Sam, "I love you little sister."

Sam sniffles softly, "You know, until just now, I still did wish that."

I break in, "You wished you were an only child?"

"No, I wished Melanie was." Sam wiped her eye, "God, she really fucked with my head." Sam starts to mumble in short, almost nonsensical, sentences. Freddie gently grabs her face with both hands and forces her to look at him.

"Sam, look at me." His voice is strong and sure. "Your mom can't hurt you." He takes a slow breath between his sentences, "You're safe here. You're with friends. Whatever you're facing, we'll help you face it." He holds her sight until she calms down.

"Thank you Freddie." Sam looks so lost, I hope she can find her way back. "I would understand if you wanted me to leave."

"Good, then you can explain it to me." Mrs. Benson says, "Why do you want to leave?"

"I don't WANT to leave, but I'm a mess and it would be better for you…" Freddie cut her off.

"No it wouldn't, Sam. I love you and I want you here."

Sam cracks a smile for the first time today, "You realize that I'm 16, and this is the first place that's felt like home. Thank you." We have a group hug.

"Alright, I'll forget about your mom for now. If you change your mind, I'm a detective now, so I can start an investigation." Tom waited until we were done.

"Thank you Tom."

He nodded, then turned to Freddie. "Can I talk to you, man to man?"

"Sure, what's up?" Freddie didn't leave Sam's side.

"I would rather talk in private…"

"Tom, these guys would find out some time, so they might as well be here."

"I was talking to your mom and she said I needed to ask you something; would you object to me marrying your mom?"

Freddie got this really serious look, "I just have two questions: Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Can I still call you Tom, or will you make me call you 'dad'?"

"Whatever you want to."

"Welcome to the family." Freddie hugged his future step-father. "When were you thinking of getting married?"

His mom answered this one, "Soon, before the baby gets here."

"You two are planning on having kids?" Melanie asks, her face lighting up.

"Well, not this soon, but we had talked about it."

"Mom, you said 'before the baby gets here', as in you are currently pregnant?"

"Six weeks, we were going to tell you, but with everything that happened recently… I'm sorry that you had to find out like this Freddie." His mom held his hand. "I know that this is a lot to take in at one time and would understand if you had some problems with it."

"I just… ugh." Freddie shivers. "I just can't picture my mom having sex. I think I'm gonna have to put a power drill to my head to get that image out."

Sam chimes in, "Freddie, if our moms hadn't of had sex, none of us would be here." We all make that discussed face.

"Well, congratulations mom, Tom," He leans down to his mom's stomach, "Little brother or sister."

"Freddie, now you won't be an only child." I say.

Spencer chuckles, "It's gonna be like you and me, we're almost 14 years apart and the Benson kids will be about 17."

"Wow, by today's norms, they could be my kid."

"Hello, I am still here." Mrs. Benson interrupts, "And I am not THAT old."

"I just mean that there are kids at school having kids."

* * *

**A/N:** I'm sorry this took so long, I finally finished 'iAm Back in the Game.', I hope this chapter was worth the wait.


	8. I did and I am

**A/N:** I apologize now if anyone is offended by my Portrayal of Spencer, or organized religions in this chapter.

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

After Sam told us about her mom pouring coffee on her and the other things she did, we sat around the living room; not really sure what to say or do. We all took turns watching Sam, she knew that we were there for her. The TV was on, but no one was really watching it. Tom had left for work and mom had gone back to sleep in her room. Melanie and Carly had helped clean up from breakfast; those two seem joined at the hip. Lewbert called up for Sam; she had a certified letter that needed a signature so the mailman could get out of the lobby. What is it about people in the lobby? "Be right back." Sam headed for the elevator.

There was a news story about a local college student who had committed suicide because they were gay. Melanie said something about how sad that was; I was about to say something to Melanie, but Spencer spoke first. "Who cares if another faggot offs themselves?"

"Spencer, that's mean!" Carly looked stunned that he could even think something like that. "What if they had been someone you knew?"

"But they aren't. All my friends are straight." Carly looks at her feet and I notice Melanie take her hand.

"Not everyone."

"Whatta mean Carly?" Spencer looks at her, a little fear in his eyes.

Carly is starting to tear up; she takes a slow deep breath. "I'm gay."

Spencer plays with his ear like he heard her wrong, "I must have water in my ear; I thought you said that you were gay."

"I did, and I am."

"No, you're not. You're just confused and think that you are."

"Spencer, I am not confused or having a psychotic breakdown or anything else. I am a lesbian. Melanie and I are dating, and have been for awhile now."

"Dad is gonna have a cow when he finds out." Spencer is in shock. "You know what the church says about homos, right?"

"Spencer, I am not a 'homo'; I'm Carly; little your sister." I move over to the couch next to Carly to support her. "I told dad last time her was home on leave. While you and Socko went to the junkyard, me and dad went to that little diner down the street. I told him everything."

"What did he say? Probably tore into you pretty good, huh?" I can see he's trying to hold onto the upper hand.

"No, he said that it didn't matter to him, just as long as I was happy." Carly stood up and slowly walked towards Spencer, "He also said you would have the hardest time with this because you were so into church when we used to go." She reaches for him, but Spencer pulls back. "What's wrong? You act like I have some sort of contagious disease or something."

"You are sick." Spencer emphasizes each word. Sam walked in at that moment.

"Who's sick?" She asks; there's an open letter in her hand.

"Carly, she thinks she's a lesbo."

"Sam, I'm sorry you had to find out like this, but I'm dating your sister." Carly hangs her head, ready for the worst.

Sam walked over and lifted Carly's chin, looking her in the eyes, "Are you and Melanie happy together?"

"Very, she's such an amazing person." Carly looks at Melanie, "She's caring and thoughtful and funny and…I love her."

"Then I wish you two well." Carly motioned to the letter; Sam held it close to her chest, "I got my answer from Public records."

"Cool, so what do we call you now?" I ask. Mom had come back into the living room. She had gotten herself a huge glass of water. I am so glad that she missed the 'Carly's gay' blow-up.

Spencer broke in, refusing to let this go. "I saw a thing on the news about a camp that straightens out confused kids."

"I'm not confused, you're in denial!" Carly shouts, I can tell she meant to be quieter.

"Who's confused?" Mom asks, here we go again.

"Carly, she thinks she's gay." Spencer says.

"Why do you care if she's gay or not?" Sam asks.

"Because she's my sister!"

"Who's dating my sister. Spencer, I'm Carly's best friend and I just found out. You think that telling us that she's gay was easy for her? Now is not the time to be a narrow minded bigot."

I try to inject some humor into the room. "How you think I feel? I dated both of them. Sam, you could be next."

"Naw, women are too complicated." Sam took my hand.

"Don't knock it till you try it." Carly said with a smile

"I'm not into that 'twincest' stuff." She leaned her head into my shoulder, "Besides, you know how hard it is to find a good man."

"Probably easier than finding a good woman." Melanie joked.

"I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS! **YOU PEOPLE** ARE SICK!" Spencer stormed out, slamming both our door and his own.

"So, how long have you and Melanie been dating?" I ask, not sure if I want an answer.

"Almost two years."

"But the taco truck; you dated me during that time, are you Bi-?"

Carly's voice barely makes it the five feet to me, "No, even when I was kissing you it wasn't the same as when I kiss Melanie." She looks like she's gonna break, "But, if it makes you feel any better, for a guy, you have the best kiss."

"Thanks, I think." I try to change the subject, "Mom, you thinking of any names?"

"We're leaning towards Michael James for a boy and Heather Lynne for a girl."

"Sounds like some good choices." Melanie chirps.

"What about all those guys you dated before, and that boy we fought over, Shawn, no Shane?" Sam wanted some answers.

"Beards, opposite sex people used to give the illusion of being straight." Carly couldn't even look at the rest of us. "I'm sorry Sam; I should have let you have him instead of fighting with you."

"It's okay Carls, it all worked out." The two best friends hug, then Sam had to throw a joke in. "Hands higher, wrong twin." We have a laugh, god we needed it.

"I'm sorry that you had to find out about me and Carly like this." Melanie hangs her head, "You probably hate me or something."

"No, I couldn't hate you and I never have." Sam looks at her twin, the two of them are really starting to resemble each other. "Even when you were calling home going on about how great school was. I was more jealous than anything." Sam steps back, still holding Melanie's hands, "You got to go out and see the world, while I had to deal with our drunken mother."

"I'm sorry for leaving you with her, if I would have known how bad things were, I would have come back." Sam shook her head.

"I'm sorta glad you didn't. All that shit that I had to endure, that made me into who I am."

Mom looks really pale. "You okay mom?" I think the hospital has made enough money off us for a while.

"Yeah, just a little nauseous. I was really sick with you too."

"You let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you Freddie." She heads back to her room. We just sort of sit around the room, everyone knows the others are there for them.

**Sam's POV**

We're just sitting here after that huge blow-up; no one really knows how to react. I finally break the silence, "How about I order us some Chinese for lunch?"

"Sure."

"Whatever."

"I'm not really hungry Sam."

"Sorry to bother you. I'll just leave you guys to wallow in your own self pity."

Melanie turns to me, "I'm sorry; I would love some shrimp and broccoli."

"Carly?"

"Kung Pao chicken please."

"Beef pepper steak." Freddie answers.

"I'll go pick it up, anyone wanna go with me?"

Carly and Melanie both decline, as does Freddie. This is good; I pull out my cell and dial the local shop. I knock on the Shay's door and don't even bother waiting for an answer. "Hey Spencer, it's me, Sam" I haven't told anyone my new name. Where you hiding?"

"**She** send you?" He comes out of his room and plops down on his 'Sitting Couch'. "I don't wanna talk to **her** right now."

"No, I offered to buy lunch and wanted to know if you wanted anything, and if you would walk with me?"

"Sure, let me grab my jacket." Spencer and I head down the elevator and ignore Lewbert. What's his bag?

"Spencer, I know you're upset, but…" He cut me off hard.

"You don't know how I feel right now! I don't even know how I feel." He stopped walking and exhaled slowly. "I'm going back home."

"I know exactly how you feel; I just found out that my sister and best friends are gay and dating." I grab his arm. "Carly needs you right now more than you know. She's scared 'cause you're so brain washed by your church at you can't see gays as people." I can tell that he's thinking about that. "Spencer, I never went to church growing up so I don't know what they said, but she's your sister, no matter what. I found out the hard way how important your sister is, don't you throw her away because she likes girls."

"They say that gays will burn in hell for all eternity and that they caused some of the world's problems."

"Spencer, has Carly ever caused any problems in the world?"

"No."

"If she hadn't of told you she was gay, you would still love her?"

"I never stopped; she's my sister, but this changes…"

"Nothing, it changes nothing." I think I broke through to him. "Nothing changes except you know that Carly's gay. She's still your sister, my best friend and possibly my future sister-in-law." We start walking again.

"How do you feel about them dating?"

"If they're happy, then I'm happy." We arrive at the restaurant. I pay for our order and we head back in comfortable silence; Spencer is doing some hard thinking. We get back to the Bensons' apartment; Spencer stops outside.

"You think she's mad at me?"

"I think she's hurt by what you said and did." I crack the door, "Try talking to her."

We walk in and Carly's eyes immediately go to Spencer. "Came back to rip on us 'Homos' some more?"

Spencer looks at the floor, "I'm sorry, Carly."

"What did you say?" She plays with her ear, like he had. "It sounded like you said you were sorry."

"I did and I am. I'm sorry Carly for calling you names and saying what I did. It's just, growing up listening to the priest every week…."

"Spencer, churches are made by men, who are far from perfect. No matter who I choose to be with, I'm still your little sister."

"I know, I was just shocked when you said that you were gay. You seemed to date all the right guys, except for that one that stole my motorcycle."

"If it makes you feel better, he collects Pee-Wee babies."

"I'm sorry Carly, I…" She hugs him.

"It's okay Spencer. I should have told you earlier."

"You know I'm here for you, no matter what."

"Good, cause Melanie and I were thinking of getting matching tattoos. Right here over our hearts." She touches her left breast. "Know a good tattoo artist?"

"I would hold off on getting one. Look at all the celebrity couples; as soon as they get their partner's name tattooed on them, they break up." Things seem to be on the mend in the Shay household. "If you do decide to get them, Socko's cousin has a shop down on 3rd Avenue; his name is Art."

"True that about the celebrities." I add.

I see that little mischievous look in Carly's eye, oh boy. "Melanie, about the other night, I'm pregnant."

My sister looks at her hand, "I told you I should have worn gloves."

"Do you want me to go completely loony?" Spencer almost falls into the chair; he hits his elbow on the arm. "Freddie, does your mom have any Advil?"

Laughing, "Spencer, no matter what, Melanie can't get me pregnant."

"I think so, but we're out of sleeping pills, I took them all last month."

I fight back a tear, "I'm sorry Freddie." I've apologized about a million times, but I still feel like it's not enough.

"Sam, stop torturing yourself. I've forgiven you, so has mom and Tom and Carly and Melanie and Spencer and everyone else." I can see him thinking, he takes my hand. "Close your eyes and come with me." I close my eyes and feel him leading me around the apartment. "Don't open your eyes until I say so; I want you to ask for forgiveness."

"What?"

"This is the last person who has to forgive you, so ask?"

"Will you forgive me for making Freddie try to kill himself?" I sound uninterested and it comes off lame.

"Try again Sam, but mean it."

I think back on everything that's happened the last month; the good and the bad. I try to keep the tears in check but some get out. "When I almost lost Freddie because I was a bitch, I realized how special he is; not just to me, but to everyone around him. Whatever I need to do to earn you forgiveness, I'll do."

"Open your eyes and get your answer." I hear Freddie say. I'm looking in the mirror by the front door. "This is the last person who has to forgive you. Will they?" He steps up next to me and puts his arm around me. "Will you stop beating yourself up? Yeah, you got mad at me and I made some dumb choices, but you saved my life and that lead to me saving yours. We're human, we make mistakes, and we learn from them."

I look at the image of me and Freddie standing in front of the mirror; we look happy together. I feel a shift in inside my mind; yeah, I made a mistake, but everyone is okay and we're better people for it. I take a slow breath, "Yes Sam, I forgive you."

Freddie hugs me, "I love you Sam."

"I love you too." My stomach rumbles, "Can we eat before my stomach digests itself?" I hold up the carry-out bags.

"Too late for that." Freddie jokes, rubbing my stitched up belly. Things are getting back to normal.

**Freddie's POV**

_RING-RING-RING_...I get jolted awake. _Someone better be dead._ I think as I grab my phone. I glance at the ID, Gibby. _What does he want at…3:16 am._ "What Gibby, it's the middle of the night?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I logged on to 'iCarly' to watch some of your tech times, puts me right out…" I cut him off.

"Gibby, you called me up to tell me that Tech time sucks? That could have waited till morning."

"No, while I was on there, Sam started blogging, and it's really dark and not 'Sam' at all." I can hear him clicking on the site. I get out of bed and pull a tee shirt on; I slept in just shorts. "She's saying things like 'Been through a lot of abusive situations', 'Thought I was worthless', and this is what really worried me 'This is the last blog for Sam Puckett.' You don't think she's gonna…?" Gibby couldn't finish his sentence.

"Not if I can help it. Try Sam's cell. I'll call you in a little bit." I hang up and head for Sam's room; empty. I can hear her phone ringing. I check the rest of the apartment and turn up nothing. I head out to the fire escape and quickly slip into Carly's room.

"Carly, wake up it's Sam." I say in a normal tone, not wanting to scare her.

"You sound like Freddie." I hear Carly under her blankets. "What's up?"

"I am Freddie, but Gibby just called and Sam was blogging and I think she might be suicidal. She mentioned something about it being her last post."

"We're awake." Melanie calls from under the blankets. "Can you leave for a minute so I can get dressed?"

"I'm heading up to the studio, meet me there." I head down the hallway to the 'iCarly' Studio. I see Sam standing near the open window; a metal trash can sits in front of her. The two girls join me and we slip in silently. Sam has some papers in the can and a few more in her hand. She pushes a button on her Pear-pod and starts to sing along. She has an amazing voice. As she sings, she lights the piece of paper in her hand than uses it to light the ones in the can.

"_My right hand holds matches  
My left hand holds my past  
I hope the wind catches  
And burns it down fast  
With my failures and my shame  
And wave good-bye to yesterday  
As I dance among the flames_

Don't try to save me now  
Just stand back and wait till the smoke finally passes  
And I will rise  
From the ashes  
From the ashes  
From the ashes

For all that I'm losing much more will I gain  
The hard part is choosing  
To change what needs changed  
My step will be much lighter  
With these demons off my chest  
I'm born a better spirit  
And lay the old to rest

Don't try to save me now  
Just stand back and wait till the smoke finally passes  
And I will rise  
From the ashes  
From the ashes  
From the ashes

I'll walk away stronger  
I will be flyin'  
Higher and truer  
Than I've flown before

_My right hand holds matches  
My left hand holds my past  
I hope the wind catches  
And burns it down fast"_

Sam turns off her Pear-pod and sets the can on the floor. "I know you're in here, I saw your reflection in the window. What are you doing?"

"We could ask you the same thing?" Carly responds. "Freddie came over when you weren't in your room."

"Spying on me?"

"No, Gibby couldn't sleep so he was gonna watch some Tech times, but he saw your blog and got worried. What did you mean that this was your last post?" I slowly walk over to her, not wanting to spook her. She calmly shuts the window and sits on the yellow beanbag.

"I said it was my last post as Sam Puckett. I got my response from Public records. As of today, Samantha Joy Puckett is dead; really she died a month ago on the operating table. Those papers were the only things identifying me as Samantha Puckett, other than by birth certificate." She holds up the letter she got this morning. I look at her, "So, who are you then?"

"Oh, sorry, I thought really long and hard about a name that I could be happy with. I practiced in front of the mirror; calling myself Sam Patterson, Sam Shay, and a bunch of others. I only found one that seemed to fit." She stops for a moment. "My name is Samantha Joy Bensen, B-E-N-S-E-N. I spelled it slightly different so that people wouldn't get the wrong idea." She gets this impish little grin, "Plus, it means that I'll graduate before you."

"You still need to pass the classes." I joke. I know she retook the placement exams and scored pretty high.

"I'm glad you found a name you like." Melanie hugs her little sister.

"You should try out for choir; that was amazing." Carly said, still not believing that Sam had sung that well.

"I used to sing to myself to try to cover the sounds from Sandy's room. Her and her 'boyfriends', got really loud."

I pick up one of the boxes on the iCarly set, "Sam, I meant to give this to you for your birthday." I hand her the smallish box.

"But you got me that big bag of jerky." She took the box and started unwrapping it.

"Yeah, I was running late and forgot this one, so I just stopped at the 7/11 and got you the jerky." She pulls open the box inside and starts to cry.

"It's beautiful, thank you." She looks at the journal I had given her. I had it personalized; the front cover had 'Sam's thoughts' embossed in gold. The cover was black leather and you could stick a pen down the spine. "I just burned my old diary. I wrote down all the shit Sandy had done to me over the years. I thought that if I wrote it down, I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Proves what I know; I got an ulcer from it."

"Sam, I wish you would have said something to me sooner. You're like a sister to me." Carly sat on the other side of Sam. "I could of helped you somehow."

"Sandy said that if I told anyone, she would have one of her boyfriends 'hurt' you. I think he would have raped you or worse." Sam looked at her hands, they're shaking. "I couldn't risk anything happening to you because of me, so I took the abuse. Your dad noticed some bruises one time and I had to lie to him; I hated that cause he was so nice to me."

"I'm sorry you had to suffer because of me." Carly hugged Sam tightly, "I wish I could have done something."

"You did Carls, you were my friend. Thank you."

I look at the three girls, different but similar. "I hate to be the wet blanket, but it's almost 4 am…"

"Not really a problem, I have to get up soon anyway. My train leaves for Sacramento at 8 am."

"So, how much time do you have left?" Carly took Melanie's hand.

"Just enough." They headed out of the studio, "See you two later."

"Those two are acting like horny teenagers." Sam joked, taking my hand, she turns and faces me "I'm sorry if I scared you, but I had to put Sam Puckett to rest. You gonna miss her?"

"A little, but I have a new friend to get to know." I can see her leaning up towards me. I lean into her and our lips touch softly. This kiss grows deeper and more passionate by the nanosecond; Sam suddenly breaks away.

"I want you to be my first." She pulls her shirt off, revealing the lacy white bra she has on.

Swallowing hard, "First what?" I know I have that 'Deer in the headlights' look.

"My first time having sex."

"I don't carry a condom on me and I doubt Carly or Melanie has one to loan me." Sam pulls a box of Trojans out of her backpack. "I picked them up after school."

"It's just, I never dreamed, well I have dreamed of my first time, and would love for it to be with you, but I'm…" She cut me off with a kiss.

"Freddie, stop worrying and relax. I won't hurt you and I'm not expecting a marathon session with fireworks and a marching band."

I take a deep breath, "Alright, but can we at least go back to my apartment?"

"Sure." Sam grabs her shirt and we head out the window.

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry it took so long to update, but I have all these ideas and I'm trying to work the best ones in. I hope to have another chapter before the new year.


	9. Gift Cards

Gift Cards

* * *

Sam walked into the Shay's apartment; it was just after 6:00am. They would be leaving in a little bit to take Melanie to the train station. She was sad to see Melanie go back to school; the two of them had really connected as sisters.

"I love the smell of bacon in the morning." She said to the pair seated at the kitchen table. Sam motioned to the plate of meaty goodness, "You want some?"

Melanie shook her head, then looked closely at her twin, "Good Morning Samantha. You okay? You look…OMG, you and Freddie…"

Carly turned around to face her best friend, "You're right Melanie, come on Sam; give us some deets!"

"What are you two are talking about." She tried to hide her reddening face.

"You have the look of a satisfied woman. You and Freddie do the deed?"

"How would you know what a satisfied woman would look like?" Then Sam remembered, "Forgot you two were dating. Is it that obvious?"

"If you know what to look for." Melanie answered. "You did use protection?"

"Yes, 'mom'" Sam replied in a joking tone.

Sounding hurt, "I know I was mean sometimes, but I was never that bad."

"I'm sorry Melanie; I didn't mean it like that."

Smiling, "Relax Samantha; I'm just messing with you."

Freddie walked in, "Good morning ladies, how you doing?" He kissed Sam on the cheek.

"Morning, Freddie." Carly said, "Were you able to get back to sleep?"

"Not really, I had a lot on my mind."

"Like my sister's naked body?" Melanie had a devilish grin.

Freddie started to stutter, "Eh, I mean…"

"Relax, Samantha told us already. Just treat her nice, or me and Carly will tie you down and neuter you." Melanie shook her spoon at him.

"Melanie, that's a spoon."

"Like she said…" Carly reiterated, pointing with her own spoon, before starting on her cereal.

"I'll be so glad when today is over." Sam said; Freddie thought she looked like she would fall over.

"I know…" Sam cut Melanie off.

"I'm supposed to kill myself today." The three of them looked at Sam. She just calmly sat there; my homework's done; I'm going to die today. "Remember when I told you guys about the other memories I have? The ones from when Freddie… Freddie dies?" It was the first time she had said those words; the others nodded. "Well, today is the day I would have killed myself, and closed the book on this."

"Why Sam? And how?" Carly had a pained look on her face.

Picking up some bacon, "After Freddie died a month ago, you and everyone in the school stopped talking to me and for a while I just sorta existed. I became the 'go to girl' if something went wrong; I got blamed for anything. I stopped coming to school and I just sat up on my rooftop and thought about what I had done. Today, in the other world, I wrote a quick apology note to you Carly, slipped it under your door, and then ran back to Sandy's house. I remember grabbing one of her vodka bottles and heading up to the bathroom. I turned the water on full blast hot and stripped down to my underwear." Sam sipped her tea and slowly inhaled. The history of things to never come was difficult to tell. "I drank down whatever was left in the bottle and broke it on the tub-wall. I picked up a piece of glass and thought how straight the edges were. The piece of broken glass was still wet from the vodka and I remember how it fit in my hand perfectly." Freddie noticed how Sam was holding her hand up, like she had that piece of glass in it. "I sat in the hot water and begged Freddie's spirit for forgiveness, and then I slit both wrists… and both… both sides of, of my neck. I remember thinking how the blood looked like clouds swirling in the water; I watched as the water turned from pink to red. The last thing I can remember is sliding down the tub into the water and thinking how ironic it was that the last person Sam Puckett ever hurt would be Sam Puckett" Sam broke down. The others wrapped her in a gentle embrace. "And that was the end of me."

"No, you would have hurt Melanie Patterson."

"And Carly Shay."

"That's just it, in the other time; you two hated me for what I made Freddie do. I disserved to die."

"No, Sam Puckett did; you get to live." Freddie kissed her softly. "I promise that I won't let anything happen to you."

After they got Sam calmed a little; Melanie looked at her watch, "We need to finish breakfast or I'm missing my train."

"Why do you take the train? Airplanes are faster." Freddie put some bread down for toast.

"Trains are cheaper and I like the sound of the wheels on the rails. It reminds me of something."

"Inferno's hoofs?" Sam asked.

"Yeah."

"What's inferno?" Carly was confused.

"We have an aunt in Montana, who has a horse ranch. We were about 10 and she had just gotten this stallion; he was black with silver/grey dappling. About two weeks after he got there he was going lame, but he wouldn't let anyone near him." Sam told them, "I walked into the corral and slowly walked up to him. He was huge, but he knew that I wouldn't do anything bad. I sat down next to him and looked at his leg." She paused to sip her tea and eat a piece of bacon.

"Aunt Sarah came out of the house and saw Samantha sitting next to Inferno like they were old friends," Melanie continued, "and asked what was wrong with him."

"He had picked up a nail from when he had gotten shoed and it was infected." Sam jumped back in. "I pulled the nail out and Aunt Sarah brought the ointment for his foot. A few weeks later I got to take him out for a ride. He could tell that I was nervous, and he started off at a gentle trot. As we went around the corral, we picked up speed; I could feel his power; he wanted to run. I nodded to Melanie to open the gate, and then I turned Inferno and headed across the ring. We raced into the pasture like we did that all the time. I can still feel the wind in my hair, the pounding of his hooves; it was freedom."

"I never knew you liked horses." Carly was surprised to learn this.

"I never told anyone, it was my secret. I loved riding because I could just forget all my problems in the saddle; it was me and the horse." Sam looked at the table, "I wish I could have a horse here."

"Sam, you look really beat; you get any sleep last night?" Freddie rubbed her back gently.

"Not really, but it's Sunday so I can catch a nap after we drop Melanie off." Sam took her sister's hand, "Have I said thank you for helping me?"

"No, and you'll never have to." Melanie squeezed Sam's hand, "I only ask that you give Sam Bensen a chance at a life."

"She will, with a little help from her friends."

Freddie grabbed his toast and sat back down next to Sam, "You had a lot of problems, but you'll be a stronger person afterwards."

"Thank you, for just being you Freddie." She leaned her head onto his shoulder; Freddie could almost feel how tired Sam was.

"Let's get going, you have a train to catch." Carly grabbed Melanie's one bag; while Freddie managed the suitcase. As Sam picked up Melanie's carry-on, she winced in pain.

"Your stomach?" Freddie was next to her in a flash.

Shaking her head, "No." Carly and Melanie both understood.

"Let me get that." Melanie took her bag, "You should stay here and get some sleep."

"No, I'm gonna go to the station with you guys, I can sleep when I get back." Melanie knew how stubborn Sam was.

The four made their way to the street and hailed a cab. They arrived at the train station about 7:15 and quickly got Melanie to the right track.

"I'll call you guys to let you know I got back okay." Melanie hugged Sam, "Take care of yourself little sister."

"I will, I love you Melanie."

"I love you too. Freddie treat her like a princess." He nodded.

"Carly, my sweet Carly. I hate this, every time we have to part." Melanie hugged her as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"It's only for a little while, and I'll be down in a few weeks for Christmas." They kissed, then Melanie boarded the train.

The trio waved good-bye as the train pulled away, their thoughts were interrupted by a new voice.

"Was that the great and powerful Carly Shay kissing another girl? I guess that's why you rejected my advances." Nevel sneered.

"No, I rejected **you** because you're a nub." Carly smirked, "I broke up with Freddie because I'm gay."

"This will make a wonderful blog on 'Neveloucity'. 'Carly Gay', I love the irony."

"What irony, you nub?" Freddie was holding back the urge to punch this guy. "She likes girls, so what?"

"So, it's big news and I'm gonna spam it all over the net."

"Why is it that big of a deal that you ruin my life, you evil little toad?" Carly wondered if she could trip him onto the tracks.

"Because I can; however, I might be persuaded to not blog about you and your dating habits…"

"If I sleep with you?"

"Well, if you want to cheapen it, but yes." He grinned, "Maybe I can bring you back to our side."

"I would rather stick a live electrical wire up my ass." Carly's claws come out.

"Carly, you want me to take him out back?" Sam was showing her old self.

"No, let him have his fun." Carly turned and headed for the door. "Let's go home."

"Why are you letting him do this?" Sam was confused.

"Freddie got the crash program working right and we can take out his system anytime we want." Carly hailed the cab. "And tonight on 'iCarly', I'm coming out. Melanie and I talked about it and we both are tired of hiding who we are and living a lie."

"Are you sure? I mean some of the kids at school might treat you bad…" Carly cut Sam off.

"I can't control how people react, but I can't keep living a lie; I have to be me."

"We're with you." Freddie said; Carly knew they would support her. She thought about how Spencer would handle this news.

* * *

**SAM'S POV**

"I think that you should do what you think is best." Spencer was on his 'sitting couch'; this was a complete turn-around from yesterday. "If you think the world is ready for Carly Shay to come out, your big brother is here for you."

"Thank you Spencer; you don't know what it means to have your support." Carly looked scared.

"If you want, I can get Melanie on the live feed and you can both come out together." Freddie asked. I'm falling asleep standing up; I haven't been this tired since my ulcer ruptured. "Let me get Sam to bed and we'll plan for tonight."

"Don't start 'iCarly' without me." I know they won't, but I still say it.

"I won't, unless you pour hot beans down a diplomat's pants."

"Freddie, you aren't hosting any foreign dignitaries are you?"

"Spencer, is your cousin the Pope visiting?"

"No, he's at my summer home in Prague." We have a laugh as Freddie walks with me to my room.

"Freddie, can I ask you something?" I can barely get my shoes off.

"Only if I can ask you something."

"Why did you try to kill yourself? Was it because of what I said?"

"Sort of; I guess if we're gonna date you should know the whole story." Freddie looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Last year, my mom had me checked by a Psychologist and we found that I have depression. I've been able to manage it by counseling and I started taking an anti-depressant. The problem is that some days the meds make my symptoms worse; that was one of those days." He has to stop for a minute; I want to tell him he can stop, but I know he needs to tell me this. "That day, you were just the straw that broke the camel's back. I got a bad grade in chemistry, Roger Stamp took my lunch, my computer crashed, and then when Carly tripped and you yelled at me; I just…I don't know, gave up. I'm sorry." He sits next to me on the bed. "I thought that everyone would be better off without me around to screw their lives up."

"FREDWARD BENSON!" I scream at him, then collect myself. "I'm sorry for yelling, but you are not a screw up. If anyone here is a screw up, it's me. I mean, look at all the trouble I caused."

"Let's try and put all this behind us and move forward." Freddie hugs me.

"Why didn't you ever tell me or Carly?"

"Two reasons; I was ashamed, guys aren't supposed to get depression." I take his hand; he grips it softly. "The other reason is that I knew Sam Puckett would use it against me, like not having kissed a girl."

"I would never do that!" I almost shout.

"I know you wouldn't, but Sam Puckett would." I understand what he means; she's truly gone. "If you and I are going to date, then you need to know everything. I have days, no matter what's going on, I'm sad, others I'll be fine. I'm trying to get this under control, but no one knows if I'll grow out of it or if this is a permanent condition." He hung his head, "I would understand if you didn't want to be my girlfriend…"

"Freddie, you stuck with me through everything; I'm not abandoning you at the first sign of trouble." I take his hand, "I want you to know that no matter what happens with us, you can always talk to me." I hug him. "Would you lay with me, jut for a little while."

"Sure." He wraps his arm around me, I feel safe. "Sam, I've noticed that you're not eating as much as before, is your stomach okay?"

"It's fine, I'm not hogging out because the fridge is full."

"I don't understand."

"When you were at Sandy's house," I still can't call her 'mom', "Did you look in the fridge?"

"Yeah, all it had was expired milk and some moldy take-out."

"That's why I ate so much around you and Carly, I didn't know when or where my next meal would be."

"You should of said something."

"It wasn't your problem."

"No, but you're my friend."

"Just promise me something," I roll over and look at Freddie. "If you get really depressed, you'll talk to me or Carly, or Spencer okay?"

"Only if you don't keep anymore secrets like not having enough to eat."

"Okay." I snuggle in close to him, "I love you Freddie Benson."

"I love you Samantha Bensen." I barely hear him; he kisses me on the forehead.

* * *

I open my eyes and notice the sun shining in through the French doors; I can hear the horses outside.

"Happy birthday mama." The little girl says to me, climbing up onto the king-sized bed. She's got curly blonde like me, but the most beautiful brown eyes. Her smile shows a missing front tooth and she hands me a picture she drew. They're stick figures of her; a man I can only guess is her dad, and me. The picture of me has a circle for a middle; I feel the bulge of my abdomen.

"Thank you, you have the prettiest eyes."

"You always say that, mama. They like daddy's."

"Where is your daddy?" I can't remember who he is, but I know I love him.

"He's in the barn with Dr. Steve. Lightning had her baby."

"Oh, was it a boy or girl?"

"A boy horse."

"Go tell daddy that mama's hungry, and wants her birthday breakfast."

"Okay, I love you mama."

"I love you too, punkin."

"I love you too." I hear a new voice, but it's different. I turn towards it.

"Who?" I'm struggling to find the voice.

"Sam, wake up." Freddie says; my head feels like it's full of sand.

"Where's the little girl?"

"What little girl?"

"The one…that doesn't exist. She was a dream." I sit up in bed and glance at the clock. 4:08. "Why'd you let me sleep so late?"

"You needed it. And you looked so peaceful, I couldn't wake you up." He sits next to me. "Tell me about your dream."

"I lived on a horse farm and there was this little girl, about 4 or 5. She was missing her front tooth and had blonde hair like me. She had these chocolate brown eyes; she said that her dad had the same…" I look at Freddie.

"Same what Sam?" I realize I had stopped

"She has the same eyes as you."

"But, you said that she has her dad's eyes…that would mean that you and I have a child."

"Children, I was pregnant in the dream."

"Sam, you're freaking me out." He gets up and starts for the door, "I'm getting you one of those pregnancy tests from mom's bathroom."

"Grab that box of tampons from under her sink while you're there." I say.

"Why?" For a smart kid, Freddie can be clueless.

"Because I started this morning."

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"Would you like to check in my panties and see for yourself." I grab the waistband of the yoga pants I have on. He's shocked I said the word 'panties'.

"No, I believe you. It's just weird that the day after we have sex, you dream you're pregnant."

"I know, but it was a good dream." I lean on his shoulder, "One that I wouldn't mind coming true."

"Let's get through High School first." He kisses me on the forehead, then my lips. After a minute we break the kiss. "I should go and let you do your… girl stuff."

"I'll be over in a minute." I head for the bathroom.

* * *

"Alright Carly, I have Melanie on the screen live and we're ready when you two are." Freddie grabs his camera.

"Shake it out Sam." Me and Carly shake ourselves to get pumped for the show.

"In 5,4,3,2" Freddie points to us, here goes everything.

"Hi I'm Carly Shay," She starts.

"And I'm Samantha Bensen." I continue the opening. "That's right, I said Bensen, I've been told that I look like Sam Puckett, but she died a month ago on an operating table, and I was born 43 seconds later. I would like to apologize to everyone Puckett may have bullied or harassed. She's gone."

"This 'iCarly' is gonna be a little different, we're gonna start off with some serious stuff, then get to the funny." Carly steps next to the monitor with Melanie on it. This is the monitor that started everything a month ago. "I want to start off with a big announcement; some of you may have seen the post by Nevel Papperman that he saw me kissing another girl."

"Carly wasn't kissing another girl; she was kissing me. I'm Melanie Patterson, and I'm Carly's girlfriend." My twin says.

She looks at the image of Melanie on the screen. "That's right, I'm gay. I've been dating guys off and on for a while to keep up the appearance of being main-stream; I use the term 'main-stream' because, I see myself as normal. I'm sorry for deceiving everyone; but I'm tired of having to lie to everyone, so this is me coming clean. I know this will turn some of you off to 'iCarly', and that's okay with me. But, I hope that you're able to separate Carly the person from Carly the performer."

"Now that the serious…" Freddie switches to the tripod mounted camera and steps up.

"I need to say something Carly. I only just told Sam a little bit ago" I know what he's doing.

"You're gay too?" Carly asks.

"No, I can tell you he is anything but gay." I jump in, "That's right viewers, Freddie's my boyfriend."

"No, Carly, I'm straight. What I have to say is that," I can tell he's nervous; I step up beside him and take his hand. "For about a year now, I've been dealing with depression. Not just 'I feel bad' or 'I got the blues', but full-blown, 'try to kill myself ', taking medication depression ." He stops to gather his thoughts. "I've put some links to depression related sites and some suicide help-lines on my blog on 'iCarly'. I want everyone to know that there's help out there; you just need to ask for it."

We're quiet for a few moments, until Melanie speaks up. "Hey, this is nice that we're all sharing, but these people want comedy."

"Then let's give it to them." I shout as we get back to the show.

**Freddie's POV**

"Okay Freddie, what's the fallout from our announcements?" Carly asks.

"Not as bad as you would have thought." I pull up a graph of our viewer numbers. "This is prior to you coming out, about 750,000 viewers; and in the minutes after your announcement," I point to another chart. "About 55,000 people drop off. Interestingly enough, about 5 minutes after your announcement, we get a spike in viewer, about 150,000."

"Whoa, where did these guys come from?" Sam asks.

"I'm guessing that the news spread and people got curious as to whether it was true." I sit next to Sam, she still looks worn out. "Sam, you okay?"

"I can't hardly stay awake. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You start?" Carly asks; Sam nods. "That's why, you know how you get."

"What did I ever do to deserve friends like you two?" Sam leans onto my shoulder.

"You managed to hit the friend lottery."

"Yea me." Sam barely says. "Freddie, carry me."

I pick her up and carry her across the hall. She's asleep before I get to her room. I lay her down and cover her with the comforter. The demon is gone forever. "I love you, my blonde headed angel." I whisper.

* * *

**SAM'S POV**

Christmas break came and went; Carly went down to see Melanie. Freddie got me a guitar: I had mentioned that I wanted to learn to play. Turns out he knows how to play and started teaching me. I'm also writing a song. Just something that popped into my head and wouldn't leave. I tried to reconnect with Sandy; I figured that I needed to try one time. I got dressed up and walked over to her house; it was still as messy as I remember it.

"Hello mother." I said as I walked in. That word doesn't sound or feel right, but I have to try to make nice. I hand her an envelope. "Merry Christmas."

"Thank you Melanie. You were always the good one." She's slurring her words and reeks of vodka. The truly sad part is it's only 11:00 am. She opens the envelope and reads the card. "Love, Samantha? Why she having you bring me this?"

"I am Samantha." I tell her, "You assumed that I was Melanie because I was dressed nice and showed some interest in your drunken self. When was the last time Melanie was here? I wanted to reach out to you as your daughter, but you can't even do that." I turn and head for the door, "Good-bye Sandy." That was the last time I spoke to her.

We got our grades for Fall quarter; no big surprise, Carly and Freddie both made Honor roll: all A's. But I managed to make straight B's with A's in Choir and English Lit. Everyone's making a big deal out of this; I don't know why. Even Principal Franklin congratulated me. I like this; it's nice to be recognized for something other than causing trouble. We had a baby shower for Mrs. Benson; she said she 's going to change her name to Parker. Freddie's still deciding whether to change his name. Winter quarter was going great; I was making A's and B's and managed to get the featured solo in the spring concert. Things were going good for me, spring break was coming; Carly and I was going to see Melanie. It was Friday April 13th, the last Friday before Spring Break started. I was sitting in math class; I was actually paying attention and participating when Principal Franklin's voice came over the PA system.

"Mr. Hall, could you send Samantha Bensen to the office?"

"On her way." He motions for me to go, I gather my stuff and head out. I have no idea why; I haven't done anything wrong in months. As I approach the office, I see Tom standing there.

"Hey Tom, what's up?" He's got a bad look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I have some bad news."

"What? Where's Freddie?" I'm starting to freak out.

"Freddie's fine, so's Carly." He takes me into Principal Franklin's office. "It's your mom, we got a call about an alarm at a convenience store. Your mom was at the wrong place at the wrong time. The robber shot her and the cashier. I'm sorry, but she didn't make it."

* * *

**AN: **Sorry it took so long to update, but life got in the way. Hope to have the next chpater up soon and I'm heading for the finish.


	10. Burying the Past

This chapter contains semi-detailed acts between two individuals. You've been warned.

* * *

I almost fall into a chair, "Oh, I thought it was someone important." I sit there for a minute. I always knew I would have to bury Sandy; figured it'd be the booze that would do her in. I'm torn between crying for the mom I never had and dancing on top of Principal Franklin's desk. "You catch the guy?"

"Yeah, a few blocks from the store." Tom tried to make me feel better, "If he lives, he's getting charged with murder." I looked surprised, "He pulled a gun on two cops and they shot back. I heard the doctor said it's 50/50 on the perp living."

I stand and motion towards the door. "Can I go? I have a report to give in chemistry."

"Sam, I'm giving you the rest of the day off. Detective Parker will take you home." Principal Franklin scribbles out some notes and hands me a slip of paper.

"But this report is 10% of my grade." I protest, "If I get a 92 or better I have a chance at an B+ for the quarter. He seems surprised that I would rather go to class then take the day off.

"Samantha," He only uses my full name to get my attention, "Go home and take care of yourself. I'm sorry about your mom."

"Thank you, but I don't need the day off." I look at the two men, "And I stopped thinking of Sandy Puckett as my mom a long time ago. Marissa Benson has been more of a mom to me these past few months than she ever was."

"Even so, it's school policy, Sam go home." He hands me a card, "This is the number to the school counselor; I told her you might call."

I pocket the card and thank him. For all the shit Sandy had done to me, she was still my mom; I don't try to argue as Tom and Principal Franklin walk with me to my locker. They had waited until classes started so the halls would be empty. I asked if Principal Franklin would let Carly and Freddie know I went home.

"Sure, is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you. I just…I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to feel."

"It's okay to be confused." He wraps his arms around me, like a caring relative.

I thank him again and follow Tom out to his car; it's his unmarked unit, I get to sit in the front seat; this is something new. "I called Melanie's school and they're arranging for her to come up tonight. If you need anything just ask." I barely hear him, but mumble a 'thank you'. I watch the houses and cars pass by on the ride home; I can't feel anything. I head to my room and sit down on the bed. I think about my situation; in the last 6 months I've lost both my parents. It's just me and Melanie. I curl up under the afghan Carly gave me; her mom had stored a few away for guests. I just lay there and think about what I'm going to do. I must of dozed off at some point because I snap awake when I hear Freddie and Carly come in the apartment. I'm just sort of numb. Tom left a note saying he was at the airport picking up Melanie. I was lying on my bed when Carly walked into my room and broke me out of my thoughts, "Sam, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I sit up and drink the water I keep next to my bed.

"We just heard about your mom…"

"Sandy Puckett is not my mom!" I cut her off, a little too hard. "I'm sorry, I just don't think of her as my mom anymore." I try to explain my uncaring attitude, "You remember at Christmas when I went over to see her?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"She thought I was Melanie. Then when I told her I was Sam, she got upset." I feel the tears coming, "The last thing I said to her was 'Good-bye Sandy.'" I break down.

"It wasn't your fault that guy shot her." Carly tries to ease my guilt. She stops talking and sits with me; I lean on her shoulder and cry softly.

The rest of the day passed in a fog; I remember Mrs. Benson coming in to check on me and asking if I was alright. I thought about when Tom said something had happened and I thought of her; I lost it then. I started crying and I told her I was scared something had happened to her. She had been the mom I had only dreamed of having. Marissa held me as close to her as her belly would allow and let me cry it out. Melanie showed up and we were able to start calling up some other family members. Freddie brought us up some diner; he had beef tips and noodles. He asked if there was anything he could do to help.

"I don't think so. Some of mom's relatives are coming in and we're gonna plan everything then." I answer. Melanie walks to the door with him.

"Thank you Freddie, we'll let you know." Then she whispers something to him and he nods and leaves.

"Whya whispering?" I don't like secrets.

"I told him to be there for you when you need him." She looks at me. "You're trying to keep your 'tough girl' image going. Samantha, it's okay to cry and be sad; for whatever she was at the end, she was still our mom."

"I know, but you didn't have to deal with the constant belittling and the beatings and…" I lose it; sobbing like a little girl. Melanie just held me; why am I crying over her so much?

"Let it out Samantha, let it out." I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, it's morning.

"How you doing?" Freddie asks, holding a plate of bacon. I recognize it immediately; Bolivian bacon. I know it's bad when they break out the Bolivian bacon; this stuff is hard to get.

"Did yesterday really happen?" I just look at the meat strips.

"You know, I'm here if you need me." He sits next to me, "Can I get you anything?"

I shake my head, "Not right now." I wrap him in a tight embrace, "Thank you Freddie." When I finally let go, we sit on my bed for a moment.

"Let me know if you need anything." He kissed the top of my head.

I mumble a thank you and pick at the bacon. I slowly eat the little strips of Heaven. I finish up breakfast and pull on some clothes. Melanie and I are supposed to meet with the priest from her church today and make final arrangements. Tom is going to take us down to the morgue to arrange transport to the funeral home and get her personal possessions. I'm doing okay so far; Freddie and Carly came with us. When we got to the morgue, the ME meets us and goes over the forms and then he brought out the box with her stuff. He goes over the inventory and everything is going okay until he reads one item.

"One gift card, face value $100."

"What?" I ask; _it couldn't be_.

"A one-hundred dollar gift card." He holds it up; it still has her blood on it.

"Sam?" Freddie asks, but I don't really hear him. "You okay?"

"I killed her." I say just above a whisper. "I killed her." I can feel my chest tighten up and my breathing getting harder. Melanie puts her hands on my cheeks; she's trying to break my stare. I can hear her and Freddie calling my name; I can't look away from that damn card.

"Samantha, you did no such thing." Melanie's still trying to get my attention. "Samantha?" I finally look at her; my lungs are burning, my vision is fading. The next thing I remember is waking up on a couch in some office. The ME and his assistant are standing next to me and I feel weak.

"What…?" I groan. I sit up too quickly; I feel the room spinning and my breakfast wanting out. I lean back and close my eyes; Taking a few slow, deep breaths.

"You fainted. How are you feeling?" The younger guy asks.

"Eh, dizzy, and thirsty." My throat feels like sandpaper. Freddie hands me a bottle of water. "What happened?"

"You just stared at that gift card and then said something like 'I killed her' and then you passed out." Freddie fills me in.

"That's the gift card I gave her for Christmas. She got killed because I gave her that…" Melanie cuts me off.

"No, she got killed because some crack-head shot her in a robbery." Melanie looks at me; I take a slow breath. "You tried to make her life a little better. For everything she put you through, you never stopped loving her."

"And it got her killed!"

"No, being at the store at the wrong time got her killed." Freddie brakes in.

"And she wouldn't have been there if I hadn't given her that gift card!" I get up off the couch and head for the door. "I need some air."

I walk outside and pace around the parking lot, the snow crunching under my boots. For Christmas, Melanie and I got each other a pair of Ugg's. Same style, same color, same everything; neither of us knew what the other was getting; we passed it off as that 'twin-sense' you hear about. I knew she was coming before the door opened. She looked like she was going to kick my ass.

"Whatta you want?" I come off harsher than I mean to.

"Drop the tough-girl act Samantha. I know you're hurting more than you're letting on." Melanie shoots back, maybe we are sisters. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. I just can't stop crying over her." I look at my mirror image. "I just keep thinking about how I walked out on her and now…" I loose it; I never knew I actually cared for Sandy Puckett like this. Melanie just holds me and strokes my hair. I finally calm down enough to speak, "What's wrong with me?"

She just shakes her head, "Nothing, you're completely normal. I saw this with my roommate when her estranged father passed away. You feel like you have all this unfinished business with her and you don't think you'll ever be able to make peace."

"Yeah, and now, she's gone."

"Sam," She's never called me that before, "Even if she doesn't answer you, just tell her what you're feeling."

I lean on her shoulder and wrap my arms around her, "You always were the smart one."

"From what Carly and Freddie have told me, I might loose my number one status." I crack a smile at her joke; she always makes me laugh.

"You gonna call me Sam or was that just a slip?"

"I'll try to call you Sam more often, but Samantha sounds so…

"Stuffy?" I have always disliked my name. "Boring?"

"Refined." She corrects me.

"Okay, I work on not getting so bent outta shape when someone calls me 'Samantha'." I take her hand, "Let's go finish this."

"Samantha, you're handling this quite well; I'm pound of you."

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"Yes, you do. You could sit around and try to drink your problems away, like Sandy did."

"That's not an option." I counter, "I have a shot at Honor Roll and I got the lead in the spring musical. I have a chance at a good college and doing something with my life. I'm not going to…" Melanie's grinning at me. "What?"

"That's the Samantha Bensen I was looking for."

I snort a laugh at her, "You could always trick me into anything."

"You always fell for it." She hugs me, "I know I didn't say this much when we were growing up, but you know I love you. You and me are all we have…" It's my turn to cut her off.

"No, we have Freddie and Carly and Tom and Marissa." She smiles and snorts, "We have a whole other family that will help us get through this." She hugs me, "Thanks sis."

"You're welcome."

We turn and walk back in; stronger now than ever before. We sign the forms and make arrangements to have her body moved to the funeral home for the service. It's gonna be a simple affair, family and what few friends she had. Freddie is staying close to me; I'm really lucky that he's here. Spencer made us spaghetti tacos; I was physically hungry, but for some reason, I had to force myself to eat. Melanie was making herself eat too. Everyone knew it, but nobody said anything. After diner, I went to my room and wrote a letter to Sandy. It started off slowly; I'm trying to keep it neat and clean. As I write, my real emotions come to the surface. As I continue to write, I pour out all the pain and anger and everything else I felt towards her. I vent everything onto the pages of notebook paper. I wrote for almost half an hour; no editing, no erasing, just raw feelings. Looking over the pages, I see a past that I need to let go of. Sandy messed me up, but I was stronger than she was. As I signed it: _your forgotten daughter, Samantha_. I feel the stress and emotions draining off me; like someone had lifted a backpack full of lead off my back. I put my head down on my desk and close my eyes. My bed is just a few feet away, but it looks like it's a million miles away. I don't know how long I was asleep, but I felt someone moving next to me and screamed. Freddie jumps back; he had been putting a blanket over me, he's so sweet.

"You okay? You've been in here for a really long time." I glance at the clock: 12:17 AM. I get up and walk over to him.

Wrapping him in a hug, "Yeah, I just needed some alone time. I was writing a letter to mom." I motion to the pages on my desk. "I'm sorry I ruined your spring break."

"You didn't, I get to spend it with you. Not that I'm glad that…"

"I know what you mean." I sit on my bed and motion for him to join me. "Can I ask you something?" I look him in the eye, "I don't care what your answer is; I just want the truth."

"Sure." He seems nervous.

"If Dr. Tim would have come out and said that I had died, like for real dead; would you have missed me, or would you have been happy?"

"Sam," He takes my hand, "I was so scared. When he came out and said that you needed blood; I had my arm up there first. I told the nurse to take two units." He grins a little, "She reminded me that I could only give one. Every one of us gave a unit. Then a little while later, he came out and said that you were stable…I hugged him so hard that I almost cracked his ribs." Freddie wiped his eyes, "I don't know what you've been told, but I sat next to your hospital bed for two days. Security was gonna try to throw me out, but Dr. Tim said I could stay. I barely slept at all those days. Melanie would forced me to go get something to eat. I did stop in to the chapel while I was out and prayed. I didn't know what religion you are so I just…" I stop him with a hand over his mouth.

"Freddie, you're rambling." He mumbles an apology. "I thought that you would have been happy that I was gone…I mean I was mean to you and said that I wanted you dead and…" Now it was Freddie's turn to cut me off.

"You only said that because you were scared of losing Carly; I was scared too. Sam, when you came to me in my hospital room and said that you loved me, I didn't think you were serious. I never knew how you really felt." He squeezed my hand slightly, "I love you Sam."

"Thank you Freddie." We sat there on the bed for a while; finally I let go. I grab the oversized shirt I sleep in and start to change. Freddie turns his head. "What's wrong, you've seen me naked before."

"I know, but…" He's such a nub sometimes.

"Would you lay with me, I just don't wanna be alone right now." He slips his shoes off and pulls the blankets down. He gets in the right side, for some reason I can't sleep on that side of the bed. As we settle in; my back to his front, he puts his arm around my waist. I pull it up to my face and kiss the back of it, "Thank you Freddie Benson, you're the best."

"You're not so bad yourself." He moves his arm back towards my waist, but I stop it at my breasts; I almost force his hands onto me. "Please, Freddie; I need to feel something." I grind into his crotch.

"Sam, I don't have a condom." He counters; I can hear the conflict in his voice. I can feel him through his pants.

I pull my shirt off as I fondle him. "You won't need one tonight. I want something a little different." I pull the tube of KY out of the drawer.

"You mean you want… anal?"

I answer him by reaching into his pants and stroking him to a full erection. I pull his pants down and lube him up. "Now, do me." I whisper in Freddie's ear. "Grease my ass up, then put your big dick in it."

Freddie squeezes a generous amount onto his finger; I get on my hands and knees and put my head on the bed. He spreads the gel around my tight bud, then eases his finger into me. I let out a moan of pleasure; Freddie got the message and worked a second finger in. I reached back and began to finger my clit. "Yeah, finger my ass." I say in a throaty whisper, I can feel the pleasure building up. "I'm gonna cum Freddie." He pushes me over the edge by sliding the index finger from his other hand into my pussy; I start shaking and panting. I almost collapse onto the bed, but Freddie takes hold of my hips. I feel him climb up onto the bed and settle in behind me.

"You ready for this?" I feel his head nudging me. I answer by pushing back against him; forcing him in a little. Freddie takes the hint and pushes all the way in.

"God, you're huge." I breathe out. I sorta sit up so his hands have access to my front. Freddie didn't waste time; he reaches up and tweaks my nipples, "You know that gets me hot." I guild his hands to where I need them. He starts out gentle, but gets more forceful as we go. I bounce up and down on him as he splits me in half. I feel my second orgasm building. "Freddie…I'm gonna… gonna cum soon."

"Me too." I feel his thrusts getting faster and harder. He slams into me one last time; this triggers my orgasm, God I love it when we cum together. His chin is resting on my shoulder; he sounds like he just ran a marathon. I ease off of him and lay down on the bed; Freddie almost collapses next to me. "That was…was." I cut him off with a finger to the lips.

"It was." Was all I say. We both pull on some clothes and drift off to sleep. I woke up later because someone was tapping my shoulder. "Not now Freddie, I'm still sore."

"I brought Bolivian Bacon." I hear a different voice say.

"Mitch? What are you doing here?" I rub the sleep from my eyes.

"Well, I kinda have some bad news. It seems that I wasn't supposed to show you that Freddie was killing himself, so I came back to set things right."

"NO! Things are great just the way they are."

"Well not from where I'm sitting, so I have to undo what you did." He looks at me like he feels sorry for me. "On the plus side, you won't remember any of this timeline."

"No, I won't let you take Freddie without a fight!" I swing at him, but Mitch poofs to another spot.

Before I can attack again, "Sorry, I wish things were different." I watch as Mitch snaps his fingers and disappears. I snap awake and run out my door into the living room. Melanie and Carly came over early to get ready for mom's funeral; they're in the kitchen.

"Where's Freddie?" I look around the room for him.

Carly gives me this 'DUH' look, "Freddie's gone Sam."

"Mitch you bastard!" I almost rip the door off the hinges. Tearing out of the apartment, I run into someone. I don't even look to see who it was; I start crawling towards the stairs.

"Sam? What's wrong?"

"I have to find Freddie." I feel strong hands on my shoulders. "I'm here Sam."

Turning, I wrap him up in a bear hug. I start crying like a baby.

"Sam?" I hear Carly call to me, "Did you say 'Mitch', as in 'Big' Mitch?" She holds her hand at belt level.

I wipe my eyes, "You know him?"

Nodding, "I thought he was only a Christmas Angel." Freddie and Melanie look confused. "You remember when Spencer burned down the Christmas tree and I wished he was normal?" Carly asks, "Well, I was visited by this angel named Mitch. He showed me how different my life would have been if Spencer had been normal."

"How bad was it?" Melanie asked.

"Freddie was dating Shannon and miserable. His mom and Spencer were engaged so we were going to be step-brother and sister. Sam was in juvie and didn't know me. There was never 'iCarly' and" she draws in a deep breath, "I was dating Nevel."

"I'm glad Spencer is…Spencer." Melanie says. "Sam, what did he tell you?"

For just having been told that I have an angel, these guys are taking it well. "He said that he had to take Freddie away, because I wasn't supposed to know that he was killing himself." I shiver, "That's why I freaked when you said he was 'gone'. I thought you meant gone as in gone dead."

"How about you go shower and get dressed." Melanie guilds me towards the bathroom. I grab one of the donuts that Freddie had gotten; jelly-filled; next to bacon, my favorite food.

"Thanks sis."

Around 10, Spencer showed up with this huge SUV. "Socko's uncle Otto is letting us borrow this for the day." We pile in and Spencer drives us to the funeral home. The director told us to arrive early. As we walk up, Freddie and Carly are next to me and Melanie.

The Director greets us and shows us to the room. "If you two would follow me, I've arranged a few minutes for you to say good-bye in private." Freddie starts to go with me.

"I'll be alright." I kiss him. He and Carly hang back in the hallway; Melanie and I followed the older man into the darkened room. We reach the casket and he simply nods to us and walks out the side door.

We look down at the body of our mom; it doesn't seem real. The people here did a great job with the make-up; covering up what the alcohol did to her. We stand their silent for a few minutes, then I speak. "You notice how much we look like her?"

"Yeah, but we're not like her." Melanie takes my hand, "You okay?"

"I just feel like…like I had a hand in this." I feel the tears in my eyes. "Did I?"

"No, you tried to make her life a little better and something bad happened. It wasn't your fault." She reassures me. After a minute or so Melanie nods towards the door. "You ready to do this?" Melanie looks at me. I nod and walk to the main doors to let the group in.

The service was short and simple; not too many people had anything to say about Sandy. We waited for everyone else to leave and I walked up to the casket alone. I take my letter out of my purse and slip it between her hands. "Here Sandy, in case you get bored." I inhale and wipe my eyes, I feel my pain and fear and anger and everything else, not gone, but lessening. "I'm sorry that you couldn't love me like you did Melanie, but I was, no **I** **am** worth something."

"You ready to go?" Melanie is walking up to me.

"Yeah, can you show me where Dad is?" She looks a little confused. "I never got to say good-bye. I was in the hospital, remember?"

Looking at Spencer, "Could you stop at Lakeview Cemetery?" He nods and we head out to the borrowed SUV. The ride over is pretty quiet. As Melanie directs Spencer to dad's grave; I get this feeling of déjà vu. Carly notices me staring out the window.

"You okay?"

"I feel like I've been here before…" I pause as Freddie touches my shoulder. "This is where we buried Freddie, in the other timeline. Mrs. Benson beats the Hell outta me at this grave."

"I'm sorry you got beat up." Freddie squeezes my hand.

"No, Sam Puckett disserved it." I had never referred to her as a separate person before; it feels kinda right. Spencer stops in front of the grave. "Can I have a minute alone please?"

"Sure." Spencer puts the SUV in park.

I walk up to the headstone, not sure what to say. "Hi daddy. I'm sorry I haven't come by sooner, but the doctor's wouldn't let me out and then I was on the mend. I've had a lot of other stuff going on. I really miss you. I'm doing well in school and have a chance at college; just like we used to talk about. I miss you so much, you were the only one who ever showed me any love." I break down wailing. Melanie came up to me, and just held me. I'm finally able to get myself under control. "Thank you, Melanie."

"No problem." She looks kinda sad.

"What's wrong?"

"I just feel like he loved you more." Melanie wipes a tear from her eye.

I shake my head, "It only seemed like it. He loved you as much as me; he was trying to make up for Sandy."

"You think?"

"Yeah, **he** didn't have a favorite daughter." We walk back to the SUV; things will never be the same. They can only get better.

* * *

I'm sorry it took so long to update, hope it's worth the wait.


	11. Prom

PROM

After we got back from the cemetery, I went to my room and just sorta sat there. I had no idea what I should do or feel or anything. I just sat there, hoping this was some sort of dream or something. I mean, both my parents were gone. I heard a knock on the door frame.

"You wanna talk?" Freddie's standing in the doorway.

"About what?" I come off a little harsher than I meant to. That's all anyone's asked me today.

"Anything you want." Freddie seems unfazed by my words. "How about summer vacation."

"Sure, where did you have in mind?" This is weird. Carly and everyone else had tried to get me to talk about my mom; I started calling her that again. I'm not sure that I'm ready to go there yet, but they keep pushing me to.

"How does Myrtle Beach sound?" Freddie shows me a hotel reservation for late August. "I got adjoining rooms; Melanie and Carly are coming along." I give him the 'You're kidding.' look. "It was the only way I could get mom to agree to it. I managed to get the flights and everything in a package deal."

"What do I owe you?"

"Nothing, I covered all of it."

"How can you afford this trip? It's gotta be over 2 grand."

"I ever tell you about the time Sam Puckett had me create that website, ?" I shake my head no; I want to hear how awful she was. "Well, she kept making all these changes and I got mad and tore up the contract. The next day, she shows me this fat roll; she sold the site for $1000 and she screwed me outta my share."

"She sounds like a real bitch." I lower my head; I hate when people tell me about Sam Puckett. The weird thing is; I think of her as though she was another person.

"It did get me thinking, people want websites that are ready to go. I started my own website design business and have been doing that on the side since then. I've made some money off that." He has this half smile, "And all I do is start it up and turn it over to them. I've also done some video editing and production, like we did for Ginger Fox and Wade Collins."

"How is it that someone as smart as you settled for a looser like me?" I ask, slipping my shoes off. I hate wearing shoes.

"I could ask you the same thing." Freddie counters.

"Thanks Freddie." I hug him, then reality hits me. "What am I gonna do about mom's house and everything?"

"Is it paid for?"

"No, the bank just sent me a bill. She's 3 months behind on the mortgage and they wanna foreclose." I inhale a shaky breath, "What am I gonna do? It would take most of what I have from dad's insurance to cover the note."

"Do you really want that house?"

"Not really, too many bad memories."

"Then let the bank have it and move on with your life Bensen."

I hug him again, "Thank you Freddie. Do you still have that music software on your laptop?" He nods, "I finished the lyrics to my song and wanna get the music for it."

FREDDIE'S POV

I head back to my room and grab my laptop and change into some sweats and my 'Church Pants' tee shirt. By the time I get back to Sam, she's changed into sweats and a tee shirt too. I show her how to tweak the settings and overlay the different instruments. I look at her and grin, time to make my move.

"Are you going to Prom next month?"

"I'm waiting for a nice guy to ask me." Sam answers me, "Are you?"

"5:00 reservations at Michael's sound good?"

"You had me at steak."

"I'll get the tickets tomorrow. Who's selling them?"

"Megan Parker and her crew." We both groan. She is such a bitch; her dad owns the Parker Hotel chain and she thinks that she's better than everyone else. Strange thing is; Megan looks like an anorexic bleached blonde version of Carly.

"Melanie told me that Carly was gonna try and take her to prom." Sam smiles, it's good to see her smile today. "We could share a limo."

"Yeah, if she can get tickets, you know Megan."

"Why is she such a bitch?"

"No idea; you know her half-brother is Drake Parker?"

"The singer?" Sam looks surprised. "He seems so nice and sweet."

"Maybe she's the evil half." This earns me a laugh.

"Thank you Freddie, I needed that." She hugs me, "I know I came off harsh, but…"

"It's okay Sam. You've had a really rough week. You know that me and mom and Carly are all here for you and Melanie."

"I know; it's just that I'm not used to talking to people about what I'm feeling."

"It's okay, I'll be ready when you are."

"Hey Freddie, thank you for just being you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

**Friday Night**

"You sure about this?" Carly asks Sam for the 100th time.

"Yes Carly, I'm sure I want to sing." Sam pulls her acoustic guitar out of it's case; I get my electric one. Spencer is running the camera for the opening song.

I walk over and sync the camera and laptop. "In 5…4…3…2" I point to the ladies.

"She's Sam." Carly yells.

"And she's Carly." Sam picks up

They lean close to each other, "And this is 'iCarly.'"

"Tonight we have special treat for you viewers; our own Sam Bensen will be singing a song she wrote herself." Sam hits a button on her remote and we hear people cheering.

I step into the picture and grab my guitar, "Whatta you say we light this candle?" I press a button on my belt remote and the pre-recorded track Sam created starts up. It's a little slower than I thought she would have used and has a soft piano melody. Sam holds the mic up and takes a deep breath.

"_You feel out of breath, used up and broken down  
Just like a shattered glass, in pieces on the ground  
Some days you want to scream but you can't make a sound  
But you're not alone_

Here comes another day, here comes another fight  
You'd rather give it up than give it one more try  
'Cause no one understands the way you feel inside  
You're not alone

Carly and Melanie step up behind her and provide backing vocals.

_Right now it feels like the end of the world  
All your battles are lost  
You've been cheated, mistreated  
Just when you think that you can't hold on any longer  
Hold on a little bit longer  
Trust me, you'll see  
You'll be so much stronger  
(You'll be so much stronger)_

It's only temporary, but it feels like you're stuck  
Like no wishing well could ever change your luck  
They say when one door closes, another opens up  
And you walk right through  
Yeah you know what to do

Right now it feels like the end of the world  
All your battles are lost  
You've been cheated, mistreated  
Just when you think that you can't hold on any longer  
Hold on a little bit longer  
Trust me, you'll see  
You'll be so much stronger  
(You'll be so much stronger)

You might have to bend, but you're not gonna break  
Wipe the tears from your eyes and the fear off your face  
You know deep down inside you've got what it takes

Right now it feels like the end of the world  
All your battles are lost  
You've been cheated, mistreated  
Just when you think that you can't hold on any longer  
Hold on a little bit longer  
Trust me, you'll see  
You'll be so much stronger  
(You'll be so much stronger)

"

"Sam Bensen!" I shout to the camera, pointing to my girlfriend. I plug in my guitar and start goofing around for a minute, then break into a melody she knew.

"Going **Coastal** on us Freddie?" I just smile. She picks up the beat and gets ready for the next song.

"_Looking back now, it makes me laugh  
We were growin our hair, we were cuttin' class  
Knew it all already, there was nothing to learn  
We were strikin' matches just to watch 'em burn_

Listen to our music just a little too loud  
We were hangin' in there with the outcast crowd  
Headin' to the rapids with some discount beer  
It was a long train tussle but we had no fear.

We lean against each other with our backs together and I back her up on the chorus.

_Man I don't know, where the time goes  
But It sure goes fast, just like that  
We were wanna be rebels who didn't have a clue  
With our Rock n' roll T-shirts, and our typically bad attitudes  
Had no excuses for the things that we'd done  
We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly  
Young_

Talked a good game when we were out with the guys  
But in the back seat we were awkward and shy  
Girls were a mystery that we couldn't explain  
And I guess there are some things that are never gonna change

Man I don't know, where the time goes  
But It sure goes fast, just like that  
We were wanna be rebels who didn't have a clue  
With our Rock n' roll T-shirts, and our typically bad attitudes  
Had no excuses for the things that we'd done  
We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly  
Young  
Young, Young, Yeah Wishin' we were older  
Young, Hey I wish it wasn't over

Man I don't know, where the time goes  
But It sure goes fast, just like that  
We were wanna be rebels who didn't have a clue  
With our Rock n' roll T-shirts, and our typically bad attitudes  
Had no excuses for the things that we'd done  
We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly  
Young  
Young, Hey wishin' we were older, wish it wasn't over"

I finish with a bit of a solo and Spencer is moving to a tight shot of us.

"Give it up for Sam Bensen!" Carly shouts to the camera. "I love your song."

"Thanks, I'm gonna have Freddie put it on 'Pear tunes" and 25cents of each download is going to go to the Seattle Children's Alliance."

"Why there?" Melanie asked; she was learning more about Sam's life with their mother.

"Because, in the past I've needed their help, a lot." She took a deep breath; exhaling slowly. "My mother physically and mentally abused me for years."

"So, get a great song and help a great cause." I say to the viewers. "I should have that on Pear tunes in 2 hours or so." I move and take the camera back from Spencer. The three girls continue with the rest of the skits and viewer submitted videos.

"So, don't forget to watch for the single by Sam Bensen, not Puckett. Some of you are still calling her Puckett." Carly is wrapping the show up. "You won't find her song…"

"Stronger."

"On Pear tunes under Puckett. Go get 'Stronger by Sam Bensen."

"And we are clear." I call out and shut down the feed. "That was wicked! You might have a future in music."

"I only wrote that song to try and get some of these feelings out, and I meant what I said about the money going to charity."

"Well, judging by the blog, you'll have a quite a check for them. 'Pear tunes' charge 99 cents and from what I can tell, they keep 50 cents and the rest goes to the record label. What should we call our label?" I turn the laptop around. There are a ton of posts hitting it; all saying the same basic thing, 'When will the single be up?'

"How about 'Split personality Records'?" Melanie suggests.

Laughing, "I am not crazy." Sam counters, "Although, it does cover me pretty well. I mean Sam Puckett would never have put herself out there like that. Let's go with it."

"Well, get to it tech-boy." Melanie slaps me playfully on my butt.

"Hey." Sam and Carly both call out.

"I'll smack your ass later." She says to Carly, with a naughty grin.

Spencer shivers, "I just can't think of my sister having sex with anyone; man or woman. I think I need a hot shower." He stops at the doorway, "Did you buy milk today?"

"Yes, the skim is for me, you take the 2%."

"Thanks."

"Why does he drink milk in the shower?"

"Good question."

* * *

**CARLY'S POV**

The weekend passed by quick; Melanie and I made plans for our Proms. Her school had no problem with her bringing another girl. I could only hope that I would be that lucky. Freddie went with me to get the Prom tickets. He had no problem getting his, but Angela Cramer refused to sell me some. At first, she told me that I couldn't bring someone from another school, but I quickly countered that some other kids were bringing outside dates. Finally Megan Parker, head of the Prom committee, told me that she didn't want 'My kind' at their prom.

"**My kind**?" I almost yelled, "What kind is that exactly? International award-winning Web show hosts? Honor roll students? Please enlighten me; 'What **kind** am I?'"

"You know." Megan rolls her hands, like she expects me to fill in the blank.

I make a big, exaggerated gasping 'OH', like I just figured it out. Then I brought my hands to the sides of my face and almost yell, "You mean '**homosexuals'**?"

"Yeah, those kind of 'people'." Megan has no idea how much I wanna punch her ignorant face.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you, but the Ridgeway student handbook clearly states that," I turn to the marked page, "No Ridgeway student may be denied access to school functions on the basis of race, creed, nationality, sexual orientation, or any reason that infringes on their rights as students. So, you have to sell me those tickets."

"Alright, but we'll be watching to make sure you don't cause any problems." Mr. Howard steps up. If Megan ever stopped suddenly, his head would be in her lower intestines. "Probably ruin it for all the normal people."

"Megan, what did I ever do to make you hate me so much?" Even after I came out, no one really treated me different. I ended up being on the cover of 'Teen People.' They thought that it was great that, being an internet star, I wasn't scared to come out.

"You were born, you freak."

"Have a nice day." I took the tickets and walked away. "I like your shoes."

"I'm so burning these things tonight."

I send Melanie a text that I got the tickets; I also give her a brief summary of what Megan and Howard said.

"You get 'em?" Sam is getting her books out as I walk up.

"Barely, she is such a bitch. What are you gonna wear to Prom?"

"I saw this classy looking dress at the mall that I think Freddie will like." She shows me a picture on her Pear phone.

"Nice, that would look great on you. Wanna hit 'Build-a-Bra' this Friday and get something to go under that?"

"Sure, I need a few new ones." Sam looks at the floor; her mood turns serious. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what's that matter?"

"I got an e-mail last night and it said that I should get my…" She looks at the phone, "Untalented fat ass off the internet." Sam shows me her pearphone. "You think I'm fat? I know I've gained some weight since I started living with Freddie." She tries to hide her tears, "It's just that his mom's a good cook and Tom's even better. I'm just not used to there being food in the house whenever I want it."

"Sam, I think you look great. This is just someone trying to make themselves feel better by tearing you down." I offer her a hug.

"What's wrong?" Freddie joined us at the lockers.

"Sam got some hate e-mail." I hand him the phone.

He looks at it for a minute, then speaks. "This is from Megan Parker, or one of her friends. Look at the return address; '', 'Park it here' is her website. You want me to hit it with some spam bots?"

"No, I got better things to do." Sam has changed; Puckett would have pounded her into the ground. "Freddie, you think I'm fat?"

"No, you look great. If anything you looked too skinny before." Freddie answered her.

"You're just saying that so I'll give you some later." She quickly kissed him.

"Should I turn around?" I joke.

"If you want." They both look at me

I smile, "You two are terrible."

"This from the woman that made me 'the other guy'." Freddie refers back to the taco truck incident.

I fake being upset, "Oh, like you didn't totally love the attention."

"True that."

Now Sam gets into the act, "You wanna go back to your ex-girlfriend and her lesbian lover?"

Freddie pauses for a moment. "Is that an option?"

We both punch a shoulder. As we get ready to head to class, Principal Franklin waves us into his office.

"There's a man here to see you about your singing."

"Hi y'all." The man tips his cowboy hat.

"OMG! You're Kenny Chesney!" Sam yells, "Please don't sue me for covering your song."

"Actually, I wanna see if you'd sing a duet on my next album?" He hands her a lyric sheet. "Tim's girls are big fans of 'iCarly' and they sent me the video of you singing. I had a show here last night and wanted to stop by before hitting the road."

"When?" Freddie asks; Sam is still in shock.

"When do you get out for the summer?"

"We just got back from spring break, so 2 months."

"Sounds good, my tour will be over and we can lay some tracks down." He hands us a card. "This is my manager and on the back is my private cell phone. When you're ready call him and he'll set everything up."

"Sure thing, probably be mid to late June." Freddie answers.

"I'm looking forward to it." He leaves; Sam is still awestruck. I snap my fingers in front of her.

"That was Kenny Chesney!"

"Yes it was, and he wants to work with you." I say. "You know what kind of exposure you'll get for your music?"

Sam takes a deep breath, "This is insane?"

"Why is it so hard to believe?" Principal Franklin asks, "You're a very talented singer."

"I mean…this is unreal. Kenny Chesney wants to work with me." Sam is still in shock.

"Let's worry about that this summer, we have to get to class." I bring her back to reality.

* * *

**CARLY'S POV**

The month passed quickly and Prom was this Saturday. Melanie and I went to her school's Prom the week before; Sam and Freddie came down too. We had a blast; Melanie and I got to dance together and no one seemed to care. We went to Michael's for dinner; the four of us are sharing the limo. Freddie was nervous leaving his mom alone; she's due any day. Spencer said he would stay with her. Sam is wearing this sleeveless dark purple dress; Freddie's tie and vest match it nicely. Melanie and I are wearing matching dresses; her dress is emerald green, mine's a brilliant red.

We walk into the Seattle Convention center; Ridgeway rents it every year for Prom. "Let's get our pictures taken now and be done with them." I pull Melanie towards the photographer's set-up.

"Hey! No holding her like that!" Howard yells at me. I have my hands around her waist.

"Why, this is how James had his hands on Megan?"

"That's normal, you two are freaks."

I can see someone behind Howard. "I believe they paid for the right to pose any way they want." Principal Franklin's measured tone informed him. "How are you two doing?"

"Great, just got here a few minutes ago." Melanie answers. "This school is really closed minded. My prep school didn't have any problem with us last week."

"It's just a few…" He paused for a moment, "Less enlightened people that have issues with gay couples."

We all get our pictures taken and dance for a while. As the night wears on, no one really notices that Melanie and I are dancing together. Andrea Gant takes the microphone from the DJ and walks to the front of the stage.

"Good evening Ridgeway High!" We all yell back to her. "I have the results for the Prom King and Queen." She opens the envelope and looks a little surprised. "It seems we have something new. Co-Queens are Carly Shay and Melanie Patterson."

We walk up to the stage and get crowned. This is really weird, we were both juniors and Melanie doesn't even attend Ridgeway. As we stand there, I can see Freddie and Sam looking at us. Freddie's eyes get really big and he starts to point to the catwalk above us. I feel something wet and really awful smelling rain down on us. I turn towards Melanie and then something solid and metal hits me in the head; that's the last thing I can remember.

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

I see Megan Parker and her boy-toy James Emory on the walkway holding these metal serving trays. I try to point to them, but Carly and Melanie never got the chance to move before the spoiled meat and grease land on them. Megan then dropped her pan over the rail and it struck Carly in the head. Sam and I rush the stage. Principal Franklin is already there; I point to Megan as Sam calls 9-1-1. He looks up and yells at them to get down here. I see Carly's head bleeding and pull my tie off and wrap it around her head. I can see Sam wanting to beat the Hell outta those two, but I grab her arm.

"I need your help. Go get me some towels to put on this." She takes off towards the buffet. I point to Gibby, "Go wait at the front door for the ambulance!"

"On it."

"Here!" Sam hands me a stack of napkins. She looks at Melanie, "You okay?"

"I'm fine, just help Carly." She turns to Megan and James, "WHY!"

"Because you two freaks had to show up and ruin my Prom." Megan says with a smug little grin.

Mr. Howard joins in, "You see Ted, their kind shouldn't be here."

"Larry, there wasn't any problems until Megan poured…" He stopped for a moment, looking at the whitish-grey squares. "What the hell is this?"

"Left over salmon from last week, that I forgot to put in the fridge." Megan can barely contain her joy.

Mr. Howard just didn't know when to leave it alone. "But they just had to go and flaunt themselves around..." Principal Franklin shoved him against the wall next to James.

"Larry, if you want any and I mean ANY chance of having a job Monday, I suggest you shut the fuck up." This is really bothering Principal Franklin. He turns and is headed back towards me and Carly.

"You can't talk to me like that." Howard started to say, "I'll have your job stupid nig…" Principal Franklin's head snaps around.

"Stupid what!"

"Nothing."

"I thought so." He takes a deep breath. "Mr. Howard, your services at Ridgeway are no longer needed. You can clean out your desk Monday."

"You can't fire me."

"Yes I can." He says mater-of-factly. He returns to us. "How is she?"

"Breathing, but we can't risk moving her until the EMT's get here and stabilize her neck." A minute later, we hear Gibby yelling 'This way!' and leading the paramedics into the ballroom.

"Whatta we got?"

"Blunt force trauma, most likely a concussion. Lacerated scalp; breathing and pulse stable." I give them a quick run-down of Carly's status. I sound like I know what I'm doing; I calmly give him the facts.

"You talk like a doctor, dad one?"

"Mom's a nurse; when you get to the hospital, tell the attending to check for possible infection from fish." They get the collar and backboard under her and prepare to go.

"Who's coming with her?"

"You go." I tell Melanie, "We'll meet you at…" I look at the one EMT.

"Seattle Memorial."

I'm about to say something, but my phone rings. "Hello?"

"Freddie, It's Spencer!" He sounds way too excited. "Your mom's going into labor and we're going to Seattle Memorial. Freddie?"

"Sorry Spencer, Carly got attacked at Prom and is going there too. We'll meet you somewhere. Have you called Tom yet?"

"Yeah, He's going to meet us there. Labor and Delivery is on the sixth floor."

"Intensive care is on 11."

"How bad is she hurt?"

"Got hit with a metal pan, and her head's split open."

"What the hell?"

"Bunch of bigots thought it would be funny."

"Alright, meet me at the hospital." Spencer killed the connection.

"Sam, mom's going into labor." I half lead- half drag her to the limo. "Seattle Memorial hospital, and step on it."

As we head towards the hospital, there's a traffic jam. Sam taps the driver on the shoulder, "Turn left and then right and cut down 7th. That'll get us to the hospital."

"You sure?" He looks skeptical.

"Yeah, that's how the ambulances get there." She looks at me. "Me and Spencer followed you here that night."

* * *

**Spencer's POV**

I got Mrs. Benson, I mean Parker, to L Tom arrived just after us. I fill them in on what I know about Carly.

"Take the elevator up to 11. Turn right off of it and head straight down the hall." She gives me directions.

"Good luck." I shake Tom's hand. "I'll stop back later and let you know how she is."

They acknowledge me and prepare for the birth.

I follow the directions and stop at the desk. "Carly Shay?"

"Your name?" The lady asks.

"Spencer Shay, I'm her brother."

"The doctors are still with her. I'll have one come talk to you when they finish." She points to the functional seats and out-dated magazines. I walk over to the vending machine and get a diet coke as Freddie and Sam come running in. I notice that there is blood on Freddie's tux. _Carly's blood_.

"How…is she?" Sam is out of breath.

"I just got up here. Freddie, if you hurry, you can see you mom and Tom before she has the baby."

"What about Carly?" He looks torn. "I can't just leave her here."

"We're here and she would understand you seeing your mom now." Sam said in a soft, yet forceful tone. "We'll come get you if there's any change."

"Okay, I'll text you when the baby's here."

"Room 642. Take a left off the elevator and it's on the right side of the hall; about half-way down." I tell him as he heads out.

Melanie walks in a minute later; she's got on a set of scrubs. "They let me change outta my dress. It's ruined." She breaks down, "Carly's in there with a split skull and I'm complaining about my dress."

Sam wraps her up in a hug. "It's gonna be alright."

"Shay?" The doctor asks.

"Yes." We gather around him.

"She's got a major concussion, we had to put about 50 staples in her scalp, but the MRI doesn't show any fractures in her skull."

"Can we see her?" Melanie asks.

"She's still unconscious." He looks at his shoes for a moment. "We're not sure when she'll wake up."

"Oh God." Melanie cries on Sam's shoulder.

"The force from the pan caused some swelling on her brain; she could come out of it any time. I'll arrange to have a chair in her room and one of you can be in there with her." I thank him and he shows us to Carly's room. "I can only allow one at a time in here."

Melanie speaks up, "Did you check for infections?"

"We're giving her a broad spectrum antibiotic as a precaution."

I look at Carly; this is so not fair. I motion for Sam and Melanie to follow me. "You two go home and get changed and grab something to eat. I'm gonna call the local Naval base and have them get in touch with dad."

"You sure you're gonna be okay by yourself?" Sam looks ready to go to war.

"I'll be fine." I try to lift their spirits, "How was Prom?"

"Megan rigged the ballots so that me and Carly won king and queen." Melanie answered. "Other than that, we were having a blast."

"Go get changed and come back here. Could you stop and tell Freddie what's going on?"

"Sure thing Spencer." Sam looks at Carly. "I'll kick our ass if you give up."

The twins leave and I managed to get a hold of the watch officer at the base. He said they would send a message to the sub, but that most likely dad would not be able to come home quickly. I thank him and settle into the chair by Carly's bed. "Hey Carl's, I wish I could just make this all go away. I'm sorry that I was mean to you when you came out. You know that I'm here for you; please wake up." I take her hand; it's soft and looks so small in my hand.

Sometime later, no idea how long I sat there, the doctor comes in to check on Carly. After he makes his notes he motions for me to come with him. Most likely wants to talk about insurance and billing.

"There's a man that wanted to speak with you." He leads me to an office.

I look up and see Walter Nichols; he's the owner of the Nichol's Parker Hotel chain.

"I'm sorry about having to meet under these circumstances." He offers his hand. "I don't know where we went wrong with Megan. Drake and Josh turned out so well."

I'm not in the mood to ease his guilt. "I'm sorry that you daughter is a hateful bigot, but my sister is in ICU with a swollen brain, can you get to the point."

"Sorry, I just wanted to let you know that I'll be paying for her care here."

"So we won't sue you?"

"No, because it's the right thing." He sits down on the one side of the desk. "I've already been in touch with our lawyers; Megan is spending the weekend in jail. We are not bailing her out." I sit down in the other chair. "I'm on the board of directors for the hospital and we are calling in the best specialist we can find to care for Carly."

I look at him, "Why did she do this? Carly never bothered anyone; she just wanted to go dance with her girlfriend."

"When Megan was little, I wasn't around much. I was working at building the hotel chain and didn't spend a lot of time with her. Instead I bought her whatever she wanted; let her get away with everything. This is my fault."

My phone beeps; it's a text from Freddie.

_Meet James Alexander Parker_. There's a picture of a sleepy newborn under the message. I chuckle and send a reply.

_He's a handsome little devil._

_Any change?_

_No, I sent the twins home to change and eat. Should be back soon. You do the same before you come up._

_See you soon_

"Good news?" I forgot about Walter.

"Yeah, our neighbor just had a boy."

"May I?" He motions for my phone. "Cute baby. "

"Thank you, I hope his aunt Carly gets to see him."

"Like I said, we're calling in the best we can for her." He rose and offered his hand again. "I'm going to go ream Megan for this shit. Anything you want me to tell her?"

"She's a petty, hateful bitch." I let my emotions get the better of me.

He nods and leaves. I sit there for a few minutes, then head back to Carly's room. Sam is in there talking to her. I wonder to the waiting room and sit next to Melanie.

"Have you been in to see Carly?"

"Yeah, you weren't there so I went in first, now Sam's in there." Melanie looks like she's gonna shatter any second now. "If I had known that coming out would have lead to this…" I cut her off.

"You would have stood farther up and not been hit, just to show Megan up. You two showed a lot of guts coming out like that. I know that I wasn't the most receptive at first, but I'm proud of you two." I try to lighten the mood. "Did you decide which one of you is the King?"

Melanie looks at me then grins, "Hail to me."

* * *

**Melanie's POV**

We've been taking turns sitting and talking to Carly. Even Freddie's mom came up with the baby. We've been here going on five days. Principal Franklin said that Megan and James were going to be expelled for this. He also said the Mr. Howard let them have access to the catwalks. Sam's been talking to some of her friends at Juvenile Detention and Megan has been moved to isolation for her own safety. Mr. Nichols has stopped by everyday to check on Carly. I've been reading to Carly from one of the 'Dusk' books. As I finish the chapter, I hear a small voice, "Go on."

"Carly? You're awake?" I hug her tightly. "Let me go get Spencer."

As I get up she looks at me and asks something strange, "Who's Spencer and who are you?"


	12. Who are You

"_Who are you?"_ That question kept rolling around Melanie's head. She never noticed Sam sit down next to her. After Melanie had told the doctors that Carly was awake; they came in and began checking her over. Once satisfied that Carly had no permanent brain damage, they had let Spencer and then Sam in to see her. Freddie had come up a few minutes later; he had been with his baby brother.

**Sam's POV**

"Huh?" Melanie didn't hear my question. She was half asleep sitting next to me.

"I asked how you were doin'." I can tell she's upset.

"She didn't even know me." She's doing her best to keep herself together. "What if Carly never remembers me? What if…" I cut her off.

"What if…" I take the sides of her face and look her in the eyes. "You take a deep breath and look at the bright side?" She looks confused. "Two hours ago we were asking 'What if she never wakes up?'." I let go of her face and take her hand, "The doctors said that she should start to remember stuff as time goes on."

She grins, "Thanks sis, I sorry I wigged out." I wave it off. Spencer comes out and sits with us.

"She's asleep again. I'm going to stay here with Carly, take my car and go home and get some sleep."

"I'm not going anywhere." Melanie said flatly. She looks determined to stay, even if she's exhausted.

I look at her, "Melanie, you're not going to do Carly any good if you're falling over tired. Let's go back to the apartment and get at least get a shower and something to eat."

"Okay." She doesn't want to leave, but knows it's for the best.

**Melanie's POV**

I'm walking up to Carly's apartment at the Bushwell; she got released from the hospital a few hours ago.

"Hey Carly." I shout as I enter the apartment. I hear noises coming from Carly's room. I hurry towards the sounds and go in without knocking; Carly's naked and on top of an equally naked boy.

"Whatta you want?" She snaps at me, then she points to the boy, "I'm kinda in the middle of something."

I shake my head and back outta the door; I finally find my voice. "But you love me, not boys."

She slows her gyrations, but doesn't stop. "**Loved**, I like men now, so close the door on your way out."

I fall to my knees and let out a wail of anguish; my heart hasn't been broken, it's been atomized. I hear my name from behind me and turn to see…

"Melanie, wake up!" Samantha's yelling. "You're having a nightmare."

"It was so real." I struggle to catch my breath. "I walked in on Carly having sex with a, a boy."

"It was only a bad dream." She hands me a glass of water. "Drink this."

I do, but almost break down again. "What if she starts liking boys? What if she never remembers me? Us!?"

"Then you'll have to make her remember you." Sam wraps her arm around me, and wipes my cheeks.

I finally catch my breath and think about what Sam just said. "That could be really fun."

**?'S POV**

I'm being chased by a giant fish, down a narrow hallway; the weird thing is; it's waving a baking sheet. As I reach the door, a blonde version of me steps out of the shadows and swings a smelly salmon.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!" I jerk awake. I can't breath; sweat's running down my face.

"It's okay, you're safe." A man wraps his arms around me. I know I know him, but it's too hard to remember.

"I was running from a fish and then another me hits me with a fish." I look at him, "Thank you…don't tell me…Stephen?" I can tell by his look that I'm wrong, "No…S… Spencer?"

"Yeah." He smiles. "Do you remember anything else?"

I think really hard, "A man in a blue uniform and he's waving good-bye. Who was he?"

"Our dad, his name is Stephen. He's a Colonel in the Air Force, but he serves on a submarine."

"Why can't I remember any of you?"

"You got hit in the head; the doctors said that you should start to remember." He pats my arm, "Don't get too worried."

"There was a pretty blonde girl here when I woke up; can you see if she's here?"

"Sure, can you remember her name?"

I concentrate on her face, "Mel…Melodie?"

"Close, Melanie."

"She's special to me, right? I have this feeling…"

"Yeah, you two are dating, have been for two years."

"I can't remember any of it." I hang my head, "I'm sorry."

"Carly, it's okay. You sit tight, I'll get Melanie."

A random thought pops into my head and I blurt it out. "Sam likes ham."

"What?"

"I'm hungry and I thought about breakfast and I got this thought that Sam likes ham. Who's Sam?""

"She's your best friend and Sam does like ham. That's good!"

I smile a little, "Maybe things are getting better." Spencer leaves to get Melanie.

**Melanie's POV**

I walk into Carly's room; she looks strange without any hair; the doctors had to shave it off. I remember running my hand through her long hair at night; I want to beat Megan Parker's ass so badly. I pull a chair up to the bed and sit down. "How you feeling Carly?"

"I wish I could remember you and everyone else. Ste…, Spencer said that you and I are dating; tell me about it. Please." Her plea almost breaks my heart.

"We go for walks on the beach at night when everyone else is gone. We stay up late and tell each other our dreams…." She interrupts me.

"What are my dreams?"

"You told me you wanna go to college, have a few kids." She smiles sweetly at me. "You always say that those are average dreams." Carly looks like she remembers something and speaks up.

"There are no average dreams."

"That's what I said to you." I take her hands and laugh. "You remembered. That's great."

"I feel like I should know all of this and you and everything else, but…" I cut her off.

"Carly, you got hit in the head by a really heavy pan; we're all just so happy you're awake." I stroke her cheek; she leans into my caress. I decide to take a chance. I lean in to her, pressing our lips together. After a brief hesitation, Carly returns my kiss. We finally break, "You remember that?"

Carly nods and swallows hard; her eyes are as big as dinner plates. "I remember that, and we went…went…" She grabs the sides of her head as her eyes screw shut. She bends over, burying her face in her lap and screams. I almost run to get help, but she looks up at me; inhaling slowly. "I remember," She swallows and takes a deep breath. "I remember everything: The Prom, king and queen, the fish attack."

"Are you okay?" I wanna make sure she's out of danger. "You scared me."

"It was like every memory I ever had was in a balloon; then the balloon popped." She fidgets her hands, "I saw so many memories; it was unreal."

"Are you okay now? I thought you were having some sort of seizure." She motions for me to sit down next to her. I ease in next to her; before I can ask her anything else, Carly gently, yet forcefully kisses me.

"I'm better than okay." She grins, "I'm Carly Shay again."

We sit there for a few minutes, just enjoying each other. Finally she breaks the silence.

"Could you get the rest of the gang? I wanna talk to them."

"Only if you can name them." I say.

She gives me this look that says 'You're joking, right'. "You mean Spencer, Sam, and Freddie if he's here?"

"Where else would he be?" I test her.

"Spencer told that his mom had a little boy the night I came in here."

"He's here, I'll be right back." I go out into the hall and get the others.

As we enter her room Carly motions for us to sit. "Freddie, get on 'Splashface' and update my status. Spencer you can call the base and get a message to dad that I'm okay and Sam see if you can get me something to eat."

"I might have some chicken in my purse." Sam heads for the door then looks back at Carly. "Hey, you called me Sam."

"That's your name, right? Samantha Joy Bensen, the artist formerly known as Sam Puckett." Carly grins again, "I got my memories back!"

"Really?" Spencer looks at me amazed. "What happened?"

Carly shrugs, "Melanie tried the fairytale solution… True loves Kiss."

"We were really worried about you." Freddie said from behind Sam.

"I'm just glad you're back to normal." Sam hugs her best friend. "I mean who else is gonna put up with me?"

"I'm sure you would have found someone." Carly tried to joke. She starts to cry; these turn to sobs. "I…I don't… know how you can…. stand to look at me!"

Sam answered quickly, "It's okay cupcake, your hair will grow back."

"It's not the hair; it's me forgetting you like you were moldy leftovers."

Freddie spoke first, "Did you forget us, or did you get knocked over the head?"

"Knocked in the head, but…"

"But nothing, you suffered a major head trauma." Freddie counters, "The fact that you're alert and able to have a meaningful conversation with us is a miracle."

"Carly, I was freaking out about you not remembering any of us." I could feel my cheeks getting warmer. "Sam reminded me that we could work with amnesia. If need be, I was ready to fall in love with you all over again."

Carly looks stunned, "You were gonna give 'us' another go?" I nod and grin.

"Come here." She wraps me in a tight embrace, and I hear a mumbled question.

"Did you just ask me…?"

"Yes, I asked if you would marry me." Carly looks completely serious and in control. "If you were willing to go through all that again, then you're the one."

"Carly, if in one year when we graduate, we both feel the same way; then yes I will marry you." I look at Spencer, "Since I have no father, would you walk me down the aisle?"

Carly looks slightly hurt, "If he walks you, who's gonna walk me?"

We hear a voice from the doorway. "I will, of course." We all turn and see a man in a blue Air Force uniform. The creases in the trousers are so sharp that you could cut a tree down and he's holding his hat under his left arm. He looks at Carly again and grins; running his hand over his salt and pepper colored crew cut. "You know, this is the first time in your life that I've had more hair than you."

Carly broke into an ear-to-ear smile and yelled a single word, "Daddy!" She jumped out of bed and ran to the man. She hugged him fiercely; Spencer moves to shake his hand, but gets pulled into the hug.

"How did you get here so fast?" Carly was puzzled. "Spencer said he just called the other day."

"Well, apparently you have friends in high places." He replied, "The rumor I heard that FLOTUS told POTUS…" I interrupt him.

"Who told who?"

"Sorry, it's an acronym. FLOTUS: First Lady of the United States and POTUS…"

"President of the United States." I figured.

"Yeah, so he called The Secretary of the Navy, who called The Commander of the Pacific Fleet, blah blah blah; and a helicopter ride, and a few supersonic flights across the Pacific…here I am."

"Welcome home Colonel." Freddie shakes his hand. "I guess we have a reason to celebrate."

"You mean besides your little brother?"

"You heard about that?" Freddie looks stunned.

"Spencer forwarded me the picture, cute little guy."

"Thanks, he and mom are getting released tomorrow." Freddie tells us.

**Sam's POV**

I see Freddie's head dip slightly as he talks about his mom. I welcome Colonel Shay home, then get Freddie alone in the corner.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Freddie, I know when something's bothering you." I press gently. "Talk to me."

"I…Mom…I don't know where to begin."

"The beginning of course." I try to lighten the mood. He gives me that cock-eyed grin that says 'Thanks, I needed that'.

Freddie takes a breath then starts. "Mom had James in her room and they were both sleeping, well James started to stir and so I went to change his diaper and feed him. I just got the new diaper on when I get hit in the back of the head and mom's yelling for me to get away from her Freddie."

"Was she having a flashback or something?"

"When I turned and yelled for her to stop, she got all upset and started apologizing." He wiped his eyes. "It's like I was someone else."

I'm not really sure how to answer him, so I just give him a hug and let him have a moment. Tom came over and asked what was wrong.

Freddie pulled himself together and answered, "Nothing, mom just snapped when I tried to help."

"How about you and me go down to the range and I'll show you how to handle a gun."

I answer for him, "Sounds like fun." He looks at me, "You need to get out while you can."

"Okay, Tom." The two leave and I head for the cafeteria. I overhead one of the nurses say that they were serving fish sticks. After I grab some diner, I decide to head up to Mrs. Benson's room.

"How you doing?" I whisper until I see that James is back in the nursery.

She grins and motions for me to sit down. "Pretty good, except my boobs are really starting to hurt. Have you seen Freddie? He took off awhile ago and he seemed upset."

"Yeah, Tom took him to the range to show him how to shoot." I decide to bring it up. "He was really upset about what happened."

"I don't even know what happened. I thought that Freddie's dad had come back…" I hold up a hand.

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." I look at Mrs. Benson, "Whether you like it or not, Freddie needs to know who his dad is."

"I know I know…I'm just afraid of what he'll think of me when he finds out."

I finish the sentence for her, "That Nathan Kress is his father."

"How did you find out?"

I decide to try the truth, as crazy as it sounds. "Back when Freddie tried to kill himself, I had this vision and I saw you argue with Nathan Kress. You said that you were carrying his child and he wanted you to get an abortion. After you said no, he offered you an apartment." She looks stunned that I know all this. "I never said anything because it wasn't my place to."

"Do you think Freddie will hate me for keeping it a secret so long?"

I shake my head, "No, I think he'll understand why, but it's gonna take some time for him to get used to the idea of a bigot for a dad." She looks confused. "Remember when the governor signed that gay marriage bill and everyone got on TV?"

"Yeah, he did come out as anti-gay on that."

"I really think that you and Freddie need to have a heart to heart on this."

We sat there for awhile, talking about nothing important. The nurse brought in James, "Someone wants diner." She tried to joke. I get up to leave, but Mrs. Parker; weird not calling her Mrs. Benson; says I can stay if I don't mind her nursing. I decide to stay and she notices my silence.

"What's bothering you?"

"I was just noticing how much you love James, and I can only guess you love Freddie that much." I wipe away a tear. "I just feel bad that I almost took that from you."

"Sam," She's never called me Sam before. She situates herself and James so that she can nurse him. "You're just a little freaked out about what happened to Carly." She covers James with a blanket.

"Does that hurt?"

"It did at first, but your nipples toughen up. I'm glad you stayed. I wanted you to see what the result of sex could be." I look at her kinda weird. "I found the empty condom box in Freddie's trash can. I'm glad you two are using protection."

I try to say something, but Tom and Freddie showed up; they're laughing and joking. Freddie holds up one of those silhouette targets; there's a stack of white tags in the middle ring.

"Have fun?" I ask.

Tom responded first, "If I ever need backup, I'm calling Freddie. Look at this."

"It's not that bigga deal." Freddie downplayed the praise. "I wasn't that far away from the targets."

"Not that far away!" Tom countered. "You were 1000 meters away, that's over half a mile."

"How did he do?" I ask, trying to get a handle on everything.

"He put 5 rounds through the same hole, at one kilometer." Tom almost yelled, "The department snipers can barely do that." He slaps Freddie's back again. "The snipers were trying out the new rifles they got, and they offered to let Freddie shoot a few rounds. He out-shot them."

"It was beginners luck."

"Maybe, but that was still some incredible shooting."

"Can I talk to Freddie for a minute?" Mrs. Parker asks, looking a little scared. Me and Tom leave, I whisper to Freddie that I'll be in Carly's room.

**Freddie's POV**

Mom looks really scared, "What's wrong? Did something happen to James?"

"No, he's right here." She nods at her chest. "I'm sorry that I snapped and hit you earlier." I start to say something, but she continues. "I wasn't awake and thought that your father had come back."

"Mom, who was my father?" I ask, but have an idea.

"Nathan Kress."

"The politician?" I had suspected this. "I had a feeling he was my father."

"For how long?"

"A few years. I noticed how you would always change the channels or hide the magazines with his picture, and the one time he came to our school, you wouldn't let me hear him." I pull out my pearphone, "I looked him up on the net and saw how much we looked alike and that you and he both went to the same college at the same time."

"Why didn't you ever ask about him sooner?"

"I figured you had your reasons for not telling me

"You probably think I'm a horrible mother for not telling you the truth."

I shake my head, "You made the best out of a bad situation.

"You are not now, nor were you ever a situation." Mom corrects me. "Him leaving me made it a difficult situation, but not a bad one."

"I just feel like I ruined your chance at med school."

"I'm still in medicine and I like being a nurse more than I like the doctors." She sighs. "Your grandfather wanted me to be a doctor; I was happy when I was able to get out of med school and be a mother."

"I still feel like I made you give up your dream." She cut me off.

"No, you let me have my dream. Dad wanted me to do what he couldn't. He wanted a doctor in the family." She motions for me to come over to her. "I love you Fredward."

**Carly's POV**

I snap awake, somebody was in the room with me.

"Carly, you okay?" I see Sam looking at me.

"Yeah, I must of dozed off."

"Carly, it's 7 in the morning. You should be sleeping."

"I've slept enough, you bring coffee?"

She looks at me and shakes her head, "You need to sleep some more. And since when did you drink coffee?"

"I slept for 5 days." I turn away from her and mumble, "You wouldn't understand."

"What wouldn't I understand?" Damn, she heard me.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"You're right Carly, I wouldn't know what it's like to loose 5 days; I only lost 3." Sam closes the door. "Remember when my ulcer ruptured? That happened on a Sunday and I can't remember anything until Wednesday; and I barely remember that."

"That's different." I counter weakly, "I got attacked and you didn't"

"You're right." Sam says, "You got hit by a pan. I was denied medicine by my drunken mother. You never caught a beating just because you were too young to buy booze, and you never had to clean up your house because Spencer was passed out drunk. So, you're right, I wouldn't know what you've been through." I hang my head in shame, but Sam continues, "So help me to understand."

"What?"

"Tell me what it's like to loose 5 days." She sits down next to me, "Help me help you."

"You think I can be helped?"

"Carly, If Sam Puckett could be helped, anyone can."

"All right." I grin and start telling her about what I'd been though. As I wind down, Sam has said very little. "…So Sam, that's why I'm scared to go to sleep. I'm afraid that I'll wake up and not remember anything again." I pause to wipe my eyes, "Or I won't wake up at all."

"It's okay to be afraid, I was scared after my ulcer; I thought that I might blow the stitches out."

"What am I gonna do?" I sound scared.

Sam smiles at me and pats my hand, "Talk to us and let us help you. That's how I got through my situation."

"Thank you Sam." I hug her, "You're one in a million."

Sam grins, "No, just 500,000. Melanie covers the other 500,000" I groan and slap her arm.

Sam perks up, "I have a big announcement for the next 'iCarly'." She shows me her Pearphone."

"Sounds good, I wanna do a theme show, maybe movie characters we like; and the viewers can guess who we are."

"I like that idea; I could get my Nug-Nug costume out." Sam cuts Freddie off there, he had walked in unannounced.

"I have a better idea." Sam continues, "And it'll go great with mine."

"Alright, but I still think that Nug-Nug would be cool…"

"Not as cool as my idea." Sam counters. "You seen my sister?"

"She was stopping in at the coffee shop, said she was getting some breakfast."

"Good, I am sooooo hungry." My stomach growls, "Sam, thank you for listening."

"Just returning the favor."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Principal Franklin said as he walked in. "I needed to talk to the prom Queens."

"We decided to let Ryan and Christy have them." I reply, "They would have won if Megan hadn't rigged the vote."

"Well, the thing is…" he stammers, "She didn't actually cheat or rig anything, she just convinced enough people to vote for you, so you two really won."

"We still want to give the titles up." Melanie repeats, handing out breakfast sandwiches. "We're both only juniors and I don't even attend Ridgeway."

"Well, Kim still wants a picture of you two for the yearbook. She was gonna list you as honorary queens." He answers. "As you two were the first open couple in Ridgeway history."

"Okay, use the one the photographer took when we got there." Carly tells him, and then runs her hands over her stubbly scalp. "I just woke up and haven't fixed my hair."

We all have a laugh, then Principal Franklin continues. "I also wanted to let you know that none of you have to take finals. We checked your grades and the finals wouldn't change your grade much anyway, good or bad."

Sam looks upset, "I was hoping to get high enough to get on honor roll. I figured out that if I got 85 or higher in math, I could get an A for the quarter."

"Actually, you did." He hands her a paper, and continues. "You averaged a 90 on your last 4 tests, and that was enough to get you an 'A'. Congratulations Sam."

Sam looks at the grade sheet, then up at Principal Franklin. "Are you for real, I'm on Honor Roll?"

"Yes Sam. You did it."

She looks like she's ready to pass out. Freddie helps her sit down. "You gonna be okay?"

"This is just not what I expected." She looks at us, "I figured Mr. Howard would fail me for being friends with Carly."

"Mr. Howard is no longer at Ridgeway. We found out that he allowed Megan access to the catwalks and then he had the nerve to blame you and Melanie for ruining Prom." He pauses, "And he started to call me a stupid… a racially derogatory name."

The doctor walks in at that moment, "Good news, your blood tests are negative, so no infections from the fish. Also, barring any major setbacks, you should be released Monday."

The others are all smiles, and I join in.

**Friday Night **- 3rd person POV

Freddie stepped into the frame, "Good evening, this is 'iCarly'. Obviously I'm not Carly or Sam, We're having a little contest; we're all dressed up as a movie character. After the show ends, e-mail in your guess as to the movie and character, and we'll pick a winner from all the correct answers. Limit one entry per person, complete rules are on ." He pushed a button on his control box and put up the link to the rules. "The winner gets a $100 gift card to the Cheesecake Warehouse."

He was dressed in a pair of black dress pants with a red piping down the legs, a white button up shirt and a black vest. Sam yelled from off screen "I love you."

Freddie grins at the camera and answered, "I know."

Melanie walked in carrying two plastic bags and announced, "I brought Taco Hut and Head-Bandz."

"I wasn't sure about my costume." Sam had on a white robe and a pair of bear claws hanging above her ears. "Then I decided to save the pastries for breakfast," She handed them to Freddie, "And that white just wasn't my color." She whipped off her robe to reveal her real outfit.

"The titanium bikini." Freddie said in a whisper.

"You like?"

"Yeah." He said in a hushed whisper.

"I ever tell you how I got these scars?" Carly asked in a gruff voice. She had on white face paint, with over-sized red lips. Noticing the looks, "Why so serious?"

"Because tonight, we have serious business to take care of." Sam replied, "You remember how I said that I would give 25 cents of every download to the Seattle Children's Alliance. Well, we have in our studio Ms. Allison Spellman," Spencer swung the camera around to show a woman in her thirties sitting in the car, "Freddie, please bring up the chart."

"Okay Sam, as of last Friday, your single has had 4 million downloads."

"So if my math is right," She pulls a cover off an easel revealing an oversized check. "That's a million dollars I owe you."

"On behalf of the Seattle Children's Alliance, Thank you." The woman was stunned at the amount.

Sam shook her head, "No, thank you guys for being there."

"This will enable us to help a lot of kids. How can we ever thank you?"

"Just keep doing what you're doing." Sam answers.

Allison walked over to shake Sam's hand, but Sam wrapped her arms around the woman.

**Sam's POV**

We finish 'iCarly' and Spencer walks Allison to her car. He's the biggest man-whore I know. I decide to call him on it. "I thought that you were dating that girl, Jennifer?"

"Which one?" He counters, "There was Jennifer Kale in the Fall, then Jennifer Lees after Christmas."

"You are a man-whore." Carly beats me to the punch.

"I just haven't found the right one yet."

Freddie looks at me and asks, "What's the matter?"

"I just wish I could do more for them."

"A million dollars is a lot of money." Carly cuts in. "They'll be able to help a lot of kids with that money."

"But…" I start, but Freddie cuts me off.

"Sam, you can't save the world. You did a lot tonight and I'm sure you'll give them some more later." He kisses my cheek. "You did good kid."

"Thanks Freddie."

"Hey, since we don't have to take finals, maybe you can go see Kenny." Carly pipes in.

Shaking my head, "He's still on tour for another 2 or 3 weeks. I'll call him after the tour ends and he has a few days to unwind."


End file.
